


Broken Wings

by cmk



Category: One Direction
Genre: Dark Niall, F/M, Punk Niall, Tattooed Niall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 22:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 47,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmk/pseuds/cmk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those who trust the most, get hurt the most. That's the only concrete conclusion I've ever been able to come to. Trusting is a fool's paradise. We fall into this trap, blocking out any thoughts lingering in the back of our minds that are telling us to run as fast we can. </p>
<p>I should've listened. I should've listened to the voice telling me he was up to no good. I should have run right then and there. But I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't run from Niall Horan. How could I leave the one person who understood how I was feeling? How could I not trust those blue eyes that understood the darkest parts of my soul with just one look? I never had a chance. But like I said, trusting is just a fool's paradise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The night is brutally cold. I stand outside on the cold concrete of the front doorstep, scanning the empty and quiet street for any hint of noise. I pull the blanket around me tighter and bury my face into the soft fabric to shield it from the harsh wind on this December night. The twinkling of Christmas lights lines the houses all up and down the street: red, green, and white sparkling lights line my sight. It has just started to snow again, and I somehow think that if I stand out here long enough, he'll come home. I quietly pray that he'll come home.

"Macy, come on inside," I hear my mother call from the house. "Mace, it's Christmas. Now come inside." Her voice is next to me now, and her arms are gently placed on both my shoulders. Her long brown hair cascades over my shoulder as I feel her rest her chin on me. "He's not coming home tonight, honey. He never does."

I know her words speak the truth, but I can't help but hold onto the hope that just this one Christmas, Jace will show up. The hope is the only thing holding me together right now. I am still locked in my place on the front porch, and I know how silly I must seem to my mother and the other relatives in the house, but I refuse to move until the day is over.

My mother lets out a heavy sigh and removes herself from my shoulder. "Okay, Macy. Here, at least let me bring you some hot chocolate. It's freezing out here."

I pull my grey knit hat down tighter over my straight blonde hair and decide to take a seat on the swing instead. My feet were beginning to hurt. The brief opening in the window behind me brings out the noise from the party inside. I hear the clanking of dishes and small chatter of my long distance relatives, whom I see only two or three times a year.

"Is she out there again?" I hear my cousin Lilly inquire. "Why does she do that? Jace is not coming tonight! He hasn't been to Christmas in six years. What makes her think this year will be different?"

"Hush, Lilly." My aunt orders. "Let her be. If this is how she chooses to spend her night, then so be it. It's no bother to you, just worry about your own being."

My mom comes outside with a green mug filled to the top with the brown liquid she promised. "Here you go, sweetie." She hands me the cup and I graciously accept the gesture without a word. I'm afraid if I speak, I may cry.

"Promise me you'll come inside once midnight strikes?"

I nod my head and slip my phone out of my pocket. The day is already almost over. Before putting the phone back in my pocket, I can't help but stare at the picture that appears in front of me on the screen. The two children, just barely the age of 10, are sitting perched on the lap of a man with bright green eyes. He's smiling to the camera with a goofy grin on his face, while the two children are wrapped around his neck, kissing him on either cheek. My heart swells at the memory of that day, and it's hard to believe that those children are Jace and I. It's hard to believe we were ever that happy.

As I'm about to put my phone away, I feel the its familiar buzz. I take a deep breath. I hope it's not him. If it is, that means he's not coming. I anxiously glance at the screen, and much to my disappointment, Jace's name is plastered on it. I hesitantly slide the arrow and put the phone to my ear.

"Hey, J." I'm trying my best not to cry.

"Hey, M. Listen, I'm sorry I won't be there tonight." His tone is sincere, although I know he's only calling for my sake. If it were up to him, he'd be long gone by now.

"It's okay. We miss you," I feel a tear fall down my cheek but I quickly wipe it away. I don't want him to know I'm crying.

"I miss you guys, too. How was your Christmas?" It's odd that he's making small talk like this; he never does.

"Um.. Good. Everyone's here. Do you want to talk to any of them?" I know the answer before he says it, but he seems to be in a strange mood tonight.

"No, no. Uh, but can you get mom and Stella for me? I'd like to talk to them."

"Y-yeah, no problem." I silently walk into the house and scope out my mom. She's sitting on the couch, talking with my two aunts and Lilly. She sees me enter the sitting room, and I hold the phone up slightly to give a silent gesture to her. I watch as she excuses herself from the conversation and I make my way back out to the porch with her close behind. "It's Jace."

Her face twists in an odd way, but she takes the phone. "Hi, sweetie. Yes, we miss you here. Macy has been waiting for you." I give her a look of annoyance because I know Jace is going to lecture me about that later. "Stella? No, honey, she's asleep. Okay, I'll tell her you said so. Jace, is everything okay? Alright, alright.. just a mother's nature to worry. I love you, too, Jace. More than anything. Merry Christmas." She hands the phone back to me.

"Okay, M, I gotta get going. I'll see you soon, okay? And don't cry, because I know you are." I couldn't help it, the tears were falling from my eyes already. "Macy, don't cry over me. I gotta go. I love you." That was the last of the conversation. As my eyes still dripped water, I hung up the phone with a heavy heart.

"What did he say to you?" I ask my mom, who is staring at me with sad eyes still.

"He asked to speak to Stella, but I told him she's already asleep. He said to tell her that he loves her. That's out of character, don't you think? For him to ask to speak to us, and tell us he loves us? Not that I'm complaining, but anyway, he said everything was fine, Merry Christmas, and that he loves us."

I nod my head slowly. "It's cold out here."

My mother lets out a slight laugh and replies, "yes, it is. Let's go inside."

I follow her into the house and she leads me to the kitchen, where the food is still displayed from the feast we had hours before. I hear all the family still chatting in the sitting room, and it seems a game of charades has even started. I'm in no mood to play games, and in no mood to socialize. Jace has managed to ruin yet another Christmas for me. I try my best to understand, but there's part of me that can't help but be furious at him.

He acts as though he's the only one who lost their father exactly six years ago. Doesn't he realize he's causing more pain by being AWOL than if he were actually here? I know he doesn't see it that way. I know he blames himself for the death of our father, and I know he can't bear to be around us today. I just wish he would put his selfish ways aside for one year.

"How about we visit your father tomorrow?" I hear my mom say as she washes the dishes from our dinner. "Would that be okay?"

"Yeah. Do you think we can get Jace to come?" My question makes her drop the dishes she's working on. She slowly turns to me and rests her hands on the sink, propping herself up.

"Honestly, no, Mace. I don't think we can get Jace to come. But we can try, okay? I know how much it would mean to you. We can try." And with that, she turned again to continue her work on the plates.

"We're going to see Daddy tomorrow?!" The high-pitched shriek comes from the staircase connected to the kitchen. A little blonde haired girl stands gripping the railing and her favorite giraffe stuffed animal, with eyes just as green as her father's.

"Stella, love, I thought you were asleep," my mother groans. "Yes, we will go see Daddy tomorrow, but you need to go to bed first. Mace, can you take her back upstairs?"

I grant her request and head up the staircase with my little sister. I can't help but smile at her beautiful, innocent personality. "Macy! We're going to see Daddy! Are you excited?"

I give her a light smile and try to hide the pain behind my eyes. "Yeah, Stella. I am."

She gallops off to her room and leaps happily onto her bed. "Look what I made for him, Macy!"

She pulls out a handwritten card from underneath her pillow. I grasp the white paper in my hand and my lip starts to quiver. I try and hold back my tears again. On the front of the card is a green Christmas tree, covered in multi-colored lights with presents sprinkled around the bottom. The words "Merry Christmas Daddy" are laid out on the page in red crayon and her childish handwriting. I open the card to reveal a page full of hearts. On the left side of the page is a family of stick people and a brown house, which I'm assuming is ours. There are four stick people: a small one, two medium sized ones, and one big one. The small one has long blonde hair, one of the medium ones has long blonde hair as well, the other medium one with short brown hair, and the big one with long brown hair. On the opposite side of the page is a stick figure, but this time, floating in the sky with wings attached to its back. This figure has brown hair as well. The figure is among the clouds with a halo above his head, looking down on his family at their house.

Each stick figure is smiling, except for the medium stick figure with brown hair. Jace. This must be what our family looks like to Stella. On the bottom of the right hand side are the words "We miss you daddy, I love you" this time in purple crayon.

I pull Stella into a hug and let my tears fall down my face without her noticing.

"Do you think he'll like it, Macy?" She asks, her voice muffled from being pressed against my chest.

"He's gonna love it, monkey." She pulls away from me and catches my tears streaming down my face.

"Macy, what's wrong? Why are you sad? Daddy is happy now. He's in the sky with grandma and grandpa and Uncle Joe and our old dog Sammie! Don't you think they have fun up there?"

"Yeah," I choke out to her. "I bet they have lots of fun up there in the sky."


	2. Chapter 2

After I finally get Stella to go back to bed, I decide I don't feel like conversing or masking my hurt any more for the night. I pad down the steps and hope that my relatives have left for the night. Much to my disappointment, only a few of my aunts and uncles have left. The majority of my family still sits in the front room, so I plaster on a weak smile and walk in the room. I've been extremely out of sorts tonight, just like every other Christmas, and the least I can do is chat with them a little, I suppose. 

I plop down on the couch and take a seat next to my cousin, Lilly. We are the same age, but total opposites. She has a short, brown pixie cut and sports a pair of glasses with no lenses in them. She says they're for fashion, but I think they're stupid, to be honest. She's the artsy one of the family - her first love is theater and she is very good at being dramatic both on and off the stage. That part of her personality grates on me the most. 

She and I never really got along, and Jace hates her even more than I do. I'm just nice enough not to show it. He, on the otherhand, is not. All through our childhood we were forced to play with Lilly, and she always took our toys from us and stole our cookies when our parents weren't looking. Jace would constantly tease her, and I think that her hatred for him is what caused her hatred for me, too. I've never actually done anything to make her hate me, but she would complain that she felt left out, because Jace and I are twins and did everything together. 

"Another no show year, huh?" She says in the most insincere way possible. I roll my eyes and ignore her. She's the best at getting under my skin. "Doesn't surprise me, really. He's too selfish anyway." 

"Be quiet," I mutter under my breath, too kind to tell her what I'm really thinking. 

"So, Macy, dear," my Aunt Helen starts. "Have you thought about your plans for next fall yet?"

I was really tired of people asking me that question, but I hide my emotions well and answer with a simple "Not yet" and a smile. 

"And where is Jace going to go?" She turns to my mother, who is seated across from the couch in a chair. 

"We're not sure yet, Helen. We're just trying to get him through graduation, first." My mom smiles, but I can tell it pains her to know that Jace probably isn't going to college next fall. She's only wanted the best for us, and since our dad died, she's had to worked ten times harder to give it to us. "But Macy has been looking at NYU, haven't you, Mace?" 

I know she's making a desperate attempt to take the conversation off of Jace, because she knows as well as I do that talking about him too long will bring up things that neither of us would like to talk about.

The night continues to drag on as I tell relative after relative of my possible plans for NYU, how I'll major in English, to hopefully one day become an English teacher or a writer. I can't help but laugh to myself a few times because they don't know that I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm just trying to get them off my back about it. 

My answers seem to keep them content, and when the clock strikes midnight, I decide that Christmas is officially over, and I can go to bed now without feeling guilty. 

I hug each relative and tell them how nice it was to see them, but when I get to Lilly I'm not sure how to say goodbye. To my surprise, she stands up and wraps me in a hug. "He's such an idiot, Macy. Quit letting him ruin your Christmases." 

I roll my eyes at her again, this time behind her back, but hug her back anyway. Finally I get to my mom and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, mom." I hug her tight, and she hugs me back impossibly tighter. 

"We'll go see daddy tomorrow, okay?" She whispers to me. 

I give her a stiff nod and rush upstairs. I walk through my room and into the bathroom. I splash my face with the cold water and stare at myself in the mirror. I look much more put together on the outside than I feel on the inside. My hair is still laying straight on my shoulders, and my cheeks actually have a bit of color in them. The red dress I wore for Christmas is still perfectly in place, and my black cardigan isn't wrinkled in the slightest. The heart-shaped locket around my neck hangs loosely, and I grip it in my hands while I stare at myself. 

December 25th is the hardest day of the year. Every year for the past six years I've had to praise myself for getting through it in the only way I know how. I look to the second sink on the right of me, and scan over Jace's items. He's got a toothbrush, and bar of soap, and a bottle of cologne. That's it. It's like he doesn't even live here anymore. 

My eyes fall on the other door on the opposite side of the bathroom that leads to Jace's room, and I quietly make my way in. In the dark, I stifle through the top drawer of his dresser, pushing past socks and old white tshirts. When I find what I'm looking for, I grasp it in my hands and make my way back through the bathroom, and into my bedroom. 

I set the bottle on my nightstand and quickly change into my favorite pair of sweatpants and one of Jace's old shirts. I've always loved wearing his clothes, tonight especially. It makes me feel like, even if it's just for a few minutes, he was here tonight, and he didn't hurt me again. 

I sit down on my bed and grap the bottle of clear liquid off my nightstand. "Congratulations," I mutter to myself. "You've made it through another year." 

I take a long swig from the bottle. It burns as it goes down my throat and makes it's way into my stomach. I immediately feel better. 

By the time I'm finished with my pity party, the bottle of vodka is more than half empty, and it's almost 1 o'clock. My head feels fuzzy and I finally feel a slight shred of happiness for the first time all day. "I should get a medal or something for making it through this day again." I'm aware that I'm talking to myself, but at this point I could care less.

"Who needs Jace, anyway? He doesn't love us, because he's never here." I slur to myself in the dark. "If he loved us he'd be here, he'd be..." I lay my head down on my pillow and drift off into a drunken sleep. 

***

I'm awakened by the sound of my phone rapidly buzzing on my nightstand. My vision is blurry, and I glance at the clock and try to focus. The red numbers read 3:53 am. I blindly smack my hand onto my nightstand in search of my phone, wondering who the hell would be calling me this late at night. 

When I feel the rectangular shape of it, I squint my eyes to try and shield them from the brightness of it. When I see Jace's name on it, I am immediately snapped out of my daze. 

"Jace?" I breath. Silence. "Jace?" I ask again. The voice that comes to me is not Jace's. 

"Who is this?" The voice is deep and unfamiliar.

"M-macy.." I stutter. "Jace's sister." 

"Macy." The voice repeats back to me. 

"Y-yeah?" My voice is shaky. The mysterious man doesn't answer. "Hello?"

Click. The line goes dead. 

As soon as the phone line disconnects I try and redial Jace's number. No matter how many times I try, the phone goes straight to voicemail. 

"Fucking Jace," I mutter. "I'm going to kill you when I see you next."

Thinking nothing of the strange phone call, I drift back to sleep. 

The next day I wake with a pounding headache, and I instantly regret drinking that half bottle of vodka. However, that's not going to stop me from finishing the rest of it tonight. If there's one day I hate more than December 25th, it's December 26th. At least on Christmas people are cheery and happy and Christmas-y. But on the day after, nothing but gloom lingers in the atmosphere. Especially around my house. 

I vaguely remember the phone call I received last night. "He's such an ass," I mumble as I drag myself out of bed and stash the bottle of vodka underneath my pillow. I open the door to my room and the smell of bacon, eggs, and pancakes surrounds me. My mouth starts to water. I can tell Stella is already downstairs because I hear her favorite show coming from the television. 

I make my way down the stairs, my head still pounding, and go straight to the medicine cabinet and pop two aspirins as discreetly as I can, but my mother sees me. 

"What's that for?" She questions annoyingly. I roll my eyes before I turn around and face her.

"Cramps," I say and turn back around and down the two pills in one gulp. 

"Oh, okay. I made breakfast, if you're hungry." She offers. 

"I'm starving." 

"Good. Eat something. I thought we would leave to go see Daddy around 11. Does that sound okay?" 

"Yaaayyyyy!" I hear Stella's small voice echo from the living room. I can't help but smile at her happiness. 

"Yeah, 11 sounds good." 

My mom smiles and hands me a plate stacked with pancakes, syrup, bacon and scrambled eggs. I set my plate down to grab a fork and some orange juice, when I hear a knock at the door. 

"Would you get that, Mace? My hands are full." 

I shuffle over to the front door, somewhat annoyed that anybody is coming over to our house at 8 o'clock in the morning on the day after Christmas. With my luck, it's probably one of our neighbors coming to give us flowers to take to the grave. 

I grip the handle and take a deep breath before opening the large oak door. I'm greeted not by an annoying neighbor, but by a pair of dull green eyes and messy brown hair. His shirt is wrinkled and he looks like he hasn't shaved in a week. 

"Jace!" I shriek and lunge at him for a hug. 

Being caught off guard, he stumbles backwards but keeps his balance and catches me. "Hey, M." He sounds exhausted and nervous almost. 

"How long are you here for?" It seems ridiculous that I have to ask him this question, as he's only 18 and should be living at home everyday. But, I know that that's not the case, and he will be leaving shortly again. 

"Not long," His answer validates my thoughts. "I just came to grab a few things."

I realize I'm standing outside on the porch now in my bare feet and the ground is ice cold. 

"Okay, well come on inside, still. Why did you knock, anyway?" I grab his hand and start to lead him into the house. 

"Wait, Mace. Hang on. I, uh, I brought a.. I brought somebody with me." I turn to look at him in disbelief. He hasn't been home in a week and when he's finally home he brings a friend along?

He glances over his shoulder and waves to a guy in a black Range Rover, parked in the driveway. i had been so excited to see Jace that I hadn't noticed it there. 

"You brought a friend?" I ask dumbfounded as the driver's door opens and the guy steps out. "Jace, you know today is the day we go see Dad. And you haven't been home for a week. Don't you think he could've stayed wherever you came from?" 

He gives me an apologetic look but says nothing. I roll my eyes and decide to let it go. "What was up with that phone call last night?" 

"What phone call?" He seems extremely puzzle by the question, but before I can answer, Jace's friend appears on the porch with us. 

He steps onto the porch and I immediately notice his arms covered in tattoos. Peeking out from under his white shirt is a string of tattoos along his chest, and I can't help but wonder how many more tattoos he has and what possessed him to get so many. He has blonde hair that is sticking up, perfectly styled, and both ears are pierced, along with his lip and eyebrow. 

I've never seen this guy in my life before, and this isn't the type of person that Jace usually hangs out with. 

"Macy, this is Niall," Jace introduces us. 

I can't decide if I'm scared of this guy or repulsed by him, but either way, I have no desire to shake his hand or speak to him any further. 

"Hi, Niall. Nice to meet you." I'm such a liar, but I can't help it. I'm too nice. "Come on, Jace." I continue to pull him into the house. 

"Okay, hang on, Mace. Let me just talk to Niall for a second, alright? And hey, why don't you take Stella upstairs for me? I don't want her to see me and think that I'm staying for long." He glances at Niall nervously. 

I want to question him, and ask why he looks so nervous. "She would love to see you, Jace. Even if it's just for a little while," I state instead. 

"Macy, just do what I say, okay?" His eyes are piercing mine now and we stare at each for about a minute before I finally surrender. 

"You're an ass, Jace," I mutter to him before entering the house and leaving him and Niall outside.

"I know," I hear him say quietly. 

I leave the door cracked slightly and linger by the door briefly to hear their conversation. Jace has been so distant, I can't help but want to know what he's doing.

"Just don't say anything," I hear him say to Niall.

"I'll keep my mouth shut, but we have an agreement." Niall's voice comes out in an accent, and that's something I wasn't expecting from the tattooed boy. 

"I know, I know. Just give me some time." 

The door starts to push open and I hastily rush through the sitting room, into the kitchen and into the living room. I decide against obeying Jace's wishes, however, and take a seat next to Stella on the couch. I know she would love to see him, and he's not going to take away her happiness like he does to me, time and time again.


	3. Chapter 3

Stella eyes me carefully as I take a seat next to her on the couch.

"Who was at the door?" She questions while eating her breakfast.

I smile at her and glance towards the kitchen, where Jace and his friend have just entered. She follows my eyes and jumps off the couch, sprinting towards Jace. "Jace!" She shrieks and lunges at him, similar to how I had a few minutes earlier. As he catches her in his arms he shoots me a glare from my seat on the couch. I shrug and give him an innocent "oops" look, even though I hadn't brought her upstairs on purpose.

"Hi Stel," he mutters as she is still squeezing him around the neck. Stella puts her feet on the ground and takes a step back from Jace, smiling giddily. I can't help but notice how out of sorts he looks, even for Jace. He turns to my mom, who is standing a few feet away from him, on the otherside of the counter. She's got a mixture of despair, happiness, and guilt displayed across her face as she walks around the counter and wraps him in a hug.

She whispers something in his ear, but I can't hear from where I sit on the couch. He hesitates before answering whatever she has asked him, shakes his head, and gives her a light kiss on the cheek.

She nods in understandment.

I stand up from the couch and place myself behind Stella, who is still standing in front of Jace, smiling. My mom is positioned between all three of us now, and she looks to me, then at Stella, then at Jace, and pulls us all in for a hug. We stand in the kitchen like that for a few seconds, before we all hear a throat clear from the doorway of the kitchen.

We all look in unison, and Jace's friend is standing awkwardly watching our mini family reunion. Jace takes a step back from us and moves a step closer to Niall. I eye him questioningly, but he ignores it. When Jace doesn't say anything about his friend, I speak up for him.

"Uh, mom, Stella, Jace brought a friend with him today. His name is Niall." Niall takes a step forward and extends a tattooed arm to my mother.

"Nice to meet you," he offers. She hesitantly looks him up and down, examining the tattoos and piercings I'm sure, but eventually shakes hands with him.

"Jace!" Stella yelps. "We're going to see daddy today, are you going to come?" Her eyes glisten with excitement and it breaks my heart to know that Jace is going to break her heart again.

"No, Stel, I'm not."

He can be such a dick, I swear. She was barely one when dad died, she doesn't know the depths of what Jace feels about it. She didn't even know him. She doesn't know how any of us feel about it. All she remembers is what we tell her of him, and that's good enough for her. Her face falls but quickly lights up again. "Okay." She states. "Maybe next time."

She hears her show continuing on the TV without her, and scurries over to the couch once more.

"Mom, I'm not staying long." He looks at my mom with his dull green eyes and runs a hand through his hair.

"Why?" She questions. I don't know why she still asks.

"Because I have things to do."

"More important than your father?" Oh no. Oh god no. Please tell me she didn't just say that. I stare wide eyed at my mother and then look to Jace, who looks like he's about to rip his heart right out of his chest.

"What." He spits through gritted teeth. Oh no. Please, mom, take it back. Take it back.

"Are the things you have to do more important than seeing your father?" She repeats back to him, and I search my brain for something to say to diffuse this situation.

Nothing.

"They're more important than seeing a stone in the ground, if that's what you mean," he growls.

"Jace!" I scold.

He stares at me with burning eyes and I look to my mother, who looks like she's about to burst into tears. I should've known that he would do more harm than he would good by coming home today. All the while, Niall has seated himself at the kitchen table, fiddling with emails or something on his phone.

"Just get what you need and go," I mumble. As much as it kills me to tell him to leave, because who knows when I'll see him again, I know that if he doesn't leave now, things will get ugly, fast.

He stiffly marches past me and heads towards the stairs, and Niall gets up off the chair and follows close behind. "He's still your father, Jace!" My mother calls after him. "It wouldn't kill you to acknowledge him every so often."

I shoot my mother a warning glance and look back to Jace, who has stopped in his tracks now. "Jace.." I start. "Go."

Jace stomps up the stairs and I hear his door slam shut. I turn to my mother, who is teary eyed and heartbroken by now. "Mom..."

She slowly shakes her head and walks through the kitchen and into the bathroom. The door shuts, and somehow I'm left all alone in the kitchen. I glance at Stella, and thankfully she is still engulfed in her show, too ignorant to notice what just happened. 

I pull my hands to my face and close my eyes. This family is so messed up. We've got Stella, who's as sweet an innocent as a butterfly, and has no idea of the darkness that surrounds us almost constantly. There's my mother, who tries to desperately to put up a happy vibe for us, but is shattered to pieces whenever Jace and his negativity come around, and then there's me. The person who is just trying to hold everybody together with what feels like very weak glue.

I turn around with the intentions to go up and talk to Jace, but upon removing my hands, I'm startled to see that Niall is standing directly in front of me now.

"Jesus," I gasp. "What the hell?"

"Macy, right?" He asks, eyeing me carefully.

"Yes." I simply say. This guy scares me, and I want nothing to do with him.

"So you and Jace are twins?"

"....yes." I try to move past him, but he grabs my arm and halts my motion.

"Get off of me," I spit at him. "Don't touch me."

"Sorry," he states releasing his grip, but it doesn't seem very sincere. "I just wasn't done talking with you.'

"Okay..." This guy seriously gives me the creeps.

"How well do you know your brother?" He smirks at me as he asks the question.

"Better than anybody," I state confidently.

"is that so?" His smirk grows and he's got a different look in his eyes. It's almost... dark. "Well what if I told you.."

"Niall!" Jace's voice cuts through the conversation from upstairs and Niall jerks his head around.

"Well, we can finish this some other time." The dark look in his eyes linger and he shuffles up the stairs again.

I'm left feeling confused, awkward in my own house, and creeped out. I do know Jace better than anybody... don't I? Yes. Yes, of course I do. He's my brother. My twin brother. He's my best friend. I know him better than anyone... right?

I pad up the stairs and step into my room. I slyly walk through our bathroom and put my ear against the door that leads to his room, careful not to make any noise.

"What were you doing down there?" Jace asks Niall.

"Talking to Macy." Niall states.

"What? Why?"

"She looks scared of me, I thought it'd be fun." What an asshole.

"Stay away from her, Niall. I'm serious." Very convincing, Jace.

"Yeah, yeah." Niall brushes off Jace's weak attempt to threaten him. "I need to pee, where's your bathroom?"

I listen closely to hear Jace's response before I realize that I'm standing in the bathroom that Jace has probably just pointed to. My eyes widen and I pull my ear away quickly, but not quick enough. I see the doorknob start to turn and I panic and go into the only place that I can think of to not get caught. I jump into the shower and slide behind the curtain.

My heart is pounding and I'm praying that Niall won't notice me in there. I hear his footsteps on the tile floor and him shut the door behind him. He walks all the way across the bathroom and through a slight gap in the curtain I can see him as he peeks his head into my room.

'If you go in there, I'll kill you,' I think to myself. I watch intently, anticipating him to go into my room, but instead he just pulls the door shut. I silently let out a sigh of relief. He locks the door and now I'm locked in a bathroom with Niall, hiding behind the shower curtain while he pees. This is the strangest situation I've ever been in.

I listen closely to try and see what he's doing, and I hear the cabinet doors open and close. He shuffles through a few items in the drawers and in the cabinets. What a nosey son of a bitch.

I hear the drawers shut and I curse him under my breath for being so creepy and nosey. I contemplate throwing back the curtain and exposing him, but I decide Jace's wrath probably isn't worth it. I finally hear the toilet seat lift up and.. oh, ew!

"That's disgusting," I mutter under my breath. I take a step back in the small shower and I knock over a bottle of shampoo. "Shit!" I whisper. As I struggle to catch it before it hits the ground, I somehow trip over my feet and fall back into the shower curtain, ripping it from the pole it is sitting on. I fall over the edge of the tub and am now laying on the bathroom floor, wrapped in my shower curtain, with Niall potentially half naked and still peeing. Correction: This is the weirdest situation I've ever been in.

I close my eyes and purse my lips, hoping that in some ridiculous way Niall has already left the bathroom and is not standing over me. And I hope to god his pants are pulled up.

I push the shower curtain out of my eye sight and peek into up into the bathroom. My eyes meet the ceiling and I sigh, thankful that Niall isn't in here anymore. I try to unravel myself and just as I get up and get the curtain off of my body, I notice Niall sitting on the toilet seat, smirking at me. I groan and quickly throw the curtain into the tub. I quickly unlock my door and stomp into my room, slamming my bathroom door behind me.

"Fuck," I mutter. "fucking hell." I slide down against the door and sit there with my head in my hands, absolutely mortified. I look at the clock on my nightstand and it reads 9:15. I hear a knock on my bedroom door and I crawl over to it. I don't want to open it if it's Jace, or even worse, Niall. I peek under the door to see if I can make out who's feet are there, but I can't. Asking is the only chioce I have.

"Who is it?"

Stella's voice comes, and a wave of relief washes over me. "Me!" she shouts. "Macy you promised you would take me to get daddy flowers before we leave today, remember?"

Shit. "Alright, Stel. Just let me shower first, okay? Then we can go. Why don't you go get dressed and washed up," I tell her through the door.

"Okay!" I hear her as she happily gallops down the hall and into her room.

I sit on the floor of my room for a minute before getting the courage to get up and go into the bathroom. I slowly open the door and peek to the left at the toilet, but Niall is gone. I look to the right to the sinks, and he's not there either. I step into the small space and notice that he's no longer in the bathroom, but both he and Jace are staring at me through Jace's door from his bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

"I, uh.." I stammer as I try to figure out what to say. I can feel my face becoming redder by the second and I wish I was anywhere except here right now.

"What happened to the curtain, Macy?" Jace asks and I want to think of an explanation, anything other than 'I was hiding in the shower while Niall went pee because I was eavesdropping on your conversation', but nothing comes. My mind is blank. Much to my annoyance, Niall chimes in.

"She was watching me pee dude. What's the matter with your sister?"

If I had any dignity left at this point, it was completely gone now. I try to defend myself. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"Oh, so you always go around hiding in showers while people are using the bathroom?"

"What? No, I --"

"Whatever, I don't care if you saw me pee. It's not like I have anything to hide."

Okay. Is this conversation over yet? I roll my eyes and turn away from them, pretending to search for something in the drawers of the bathroom. "Can you shut the door, please? I need to shower." Niall steps into the bathroom and leans against the counter as I continue my fake search.

"You got to see mine, so it's only fair that I get to see yours."

I whip my head towards him, disgusted by his lack of taste. "I have a boyfriend, and you're repulsive. Jace, can you get your disgusting friend out of here?!"

"Repulsive? Ouch, that's a pretty harsh word. I prefer the term outspoken." The way that Niall laughs as Jace scolds him and threatens him out of the bathroom makes my skin crawl.

Before getting in the shower I turn to Jace, who is still watching Niall closely, probably making sure he doesn't steal anything from his room. "Are you going to be here when I get out of the shower?"

He focuses his attention on me for a minute. "I don't know.. probably not."

I nod, trying to be strong and trying not to cry in front of him or Niall. He shoots a nervous glance back at Niall, who is now preoccupied on his phone again, sitting on the bed. He quickly pulls me in for a hug. "I'll be back soon, okay?" He whispers to me. "You know I love you guys, right?" 

"I know you do, but it wouldn't kill you to show it better to mom or Stella." 

"It's not that easy." 

"Yes, it is." 

"Just tell them I love them, okay?" He pulls back from me and his green eyes are still as dull as they were when he walked into the house. I wonder what happened to the sparkle they used to hold so well. 

"Yeah, I will."

"And tell dad, too." His face falls solemn and I know that he hates talking about my father. 

"You could tell him yourself, you know." I know that I may be pushing it with this last thought, but I can't help it. Jace should be there with us as we visit our father's grave. 

"You know I can't do that. That's enough, Mace." 

I let out a heavy sigh in defeat, but I can't say I'm surprised by his answer. Just as I'm about to shut the door, he sticks a foot between the door and the frame. "By the way," he pushes the door open again. "Do you have any idea what might have happened to that bottle of vodka in my tshirt drawer?" 

"Umm.." 

"That's what I thought. It's not healthy to drink alone like that, Mace." His tone is concerned, and it kind of annoys me.

"Says the boy with the lone bottle of vodka in his room." He takes this into consideration, and lets it go. He shuts the bathroom door and I finally get to shower in peace.

***

By the time I get out of the shower, Jace's prediction is correct, and he and Niall are gone. I'm glad that Niall had left, but I wish Jace had stayed a little longer. I get ready quickly, blow drying and slightly straightening my hair, and put on a light coat of make up. My skin has been looking pretty pale and lifeless lately, and I can't tell if it's the winter time, or everything else surrounding me.

I put on a pair of dark jeans, a black blouse, and my tan Ugg boots. I pull out my phone to check the weather temperature and notice I have a message from Derek.

*Thinking of you. Have a good day, beautiful. Love you.*

His message brings a small smile to my lips. I make a mental timeline in my head of our time together, and realize that this will be the fourth year in a row Derek has been with me at this time of year. He's good at making me feel better. I"ve hardly spent any time with him this Christmas break, and it sucks because I've hardly seen him since school started, either. He's a year older than I am, and he started school at NYU this fall. I shoot him a quick "Thank you, I love you" text back, and continue to check the weather for the day. The app on my phone says it's currently 2 degrees outside, and apparently only supposed to get colder.

I call Stella from my room and she comes skipping down the hallway, as happy as ever. I follow her down the stairs and we head out to the store.

***

We get back home just in time, and my mom is waiting for us in the kitchen.

"Oh, Stel, these are beautiful, honey," she cooes. "Daddy is going to love them."

Stella's face lights up. "Wait! I need to get my card!" Stella shrieks and runs upstairs.

"I'm gonna be in the car," I say flatly. I try my best every year to stay positive on this gloomy day, but today, I just can't seem to muster it. The combination of Jace coming home, the memory of today, and trying to keep up with Stella's happiness is draining me.

I wait for about ten minutes more before my mom and Stella join me in the car, and we venture on the all too familiar way to Angel Wings Cemetery.

We pull up to the lot and take the short walk through the fresh snow to the familiar head stone. It reads:

"In Loving Memory of Jared StoneLoving father, husband and son.  
Gone, but not forgotten,  
although we are apart,  
your spirit lives within us,  
forever in our hearts."

The three of us huddle around the tombstone, icy tears falling from our eyes, almost in unison. Even from Stella. She's too young to fully understand the complexity of what happened or how she's supposed to feel, especially because she hardly knew our father, but she understands our emotions behind it, and for her, that's enough. We stand there, just staring, not say a word, and a fresh snow starts to fall on the ground, piling up on what's already there.

There's hardly any wind, so standing outside is bearable. After I'm not sure how long, my mom finally speaks.

"We miss you, Jar. Everyday. It seems unreal that it's been six years already..." before she can finish her thought she's on her knees, completely disregarding the foot of snow layering the ground, sobbing lightly into her hands. I hold Stella tightly next to me and she buries her face in my coat to keep from watching the saddness of our mother. People always think of parents as indestructable, and we often forget that they're people, too. Seeing a mom or dad cry is scary for a child, so I bend down and pick Stella up, despite her age.

We must be a sad sight to see: my mother on her knees, buried in the snow, Stella crying into my shoulder, and me clinging to her, trying to keep my composure.

In the distance, in the silhouette of the trees that surround the cemetery, I see a figure standing, watching us.


	5. Chapter 5

I squint my eyes to gain a closer look, but I can't seem to make out who the figure is. I can't tell if it's a female or male, and when I glance away for a second and look back, the person is gone. In the same instant I notice the figure has disappeared, I feel a light tap on my shoulder. I turn around, still holding Stella, and am greeted by a pair of bright green eyes - the same eyes that were so dull just a few hours before.

My body stiffens in the realization of what is happening, and I blink my eyes rapidly to see if it's just a hallucination. When the green eyes and messy brown hair don't disappear despite my multiple attempts to make them, I let out an involuntary gasp because I can't believe what I'm seeing.

"J-Jace?" I stutter. I can't believe he's actually here right now he's actually here right now, isn't he? I reach out to touch him on the shoulder, just to be sure that I'm not crazy. He's not saying anything, so it's very possible that I am imagining this. My fingertips meet the fabric of his leather jacket and and I know that I'm not dreaming. Jace is actually here.

"I... I decided to come after all," he states uneasily. His eyes shift from me to Stella to my mother, who is still on her knees on the ground. When we visit my dad, she always ends up in her own world, so I'm not sure if she is aware of Jace's presence. I flick my head to the right a little, silently telling Jace to go stand by my mother. He obeys, much to my surprise, and I watch as he walks over to my mom and puts two hands on her shoulders. She raises her head from her hands and looks behind her, crying even harder when she sees Jace standing there. She stands up, not even bothering to wipe the snow caking her knees, and holds onto Jace so tightly that I don't think she'll ever let him go.

"Thank you," she chokes out as she still grips onto him tightly. He looks extremely awkward in her embrace but remains there, and I'm so grateful for whatever has made him change his attitude. After everything we have been through, having Jace here with us makes it seems less painful somehow.

She finally lets go of him and stands staring at him, memorizing his face. She cups her hands on either side of his face. "You'll always be my baby, and I'll love you until the day I die."

Then, she turns to me and Stella and motions for us to come join them in another hug. I continue carrying Stella and my mother wraps one arm around Jace and one around Stella and myself. We're all huddled together on the grave of my father, and I know that this is what he would want if he were here right now.

Jace pulls away from the hug first, and I assume he's going to tell us he's leaving again. Instead, he walks a little closer to the headstone and kneels down in the snow, just like my mother had. The three of us stand behind watching as Jace speaks to our father for the first time in six years.

"Hey dad," he begins. "It's.. It's me, Jace. I-I'm sorry for not being here as much as I should have been. I just.. I couldn't.. after the accident. It was my fault, dad, and I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have been out there. You shouldn't have had to come get me. It's all my fault that you're a stone in the ground instead of here with us every year. And I'm sorry that I've failed to fill your spot in the family. You kept us together so well, and the shoes you left to fill were so huge, and I just didn't think I could do it. I failed you in every way possible and I.. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I've caused all of this and couldn't even be strong enough to help pick up the pieces. I love you, dad. And I'm sorry."

I watch as Jace gets up off his knees and slowly walks back over to us. "I'm sorry.." He mumbles and before any of us can say anything, Jace has burst into tears, mumbling a series of unnecessary apologies to our family. My mom walks towards him immediately and wraps him in another tight hug, cradling his head on her shoulder as he cries. I stand back, because I'm not sure how to deal with this. I've never seen Jace cry before, not even at my father's funeral. Stella tells me to put her down, and she walks over to Jace, clinging to his left hand. He feels her touch and wraps his arm around her. Now it's just me standing by myself, and Jace looks up from my mother's shoulder and meets eyes with me.

"I'm sorry, Mace." I've never heard him apologize before, and so I give him a small nod to let him know that everything is okay, but I feel frozen in my body. I never thought this day would come. The day that Jace comes with to the grave, apologizes, and cries. I never expected this to happen.

***

Niall's POV

I make my way back to the car to get out of the freezing cold. Connor will be expecting me back soon, anyway. I need to get back before he gets angry.

When Jace and I left his house we didn't go to Connor's like we usually would. Jace told me he wanted to go get breakfast somewhere, and I happily agreed because I was starving. Jace seemed pretty out of sorts today, even more so at breakfast. Jace and I aren't exactly friends, but I could still tell he wasn't himself. He surprised me in the middle of breakfast by asking for the day off. He asked if I could cover for him to Connor.

At first I said no fucking way, and that there was no way I would lie to Connor for him. He kept asking and asking throughout breakfast, and I kept saying no, and I was getting pretty mad, to be honest. Then he asked if I would cover for a few hours, and I gave in because I was tired of hearing him whine. Now I regret that decision, because Connor is going to be listed, and he's going to take it out on me.

I followed Jace to wherever he was going, and he ended up at the cemetery with his family. I think his sister may have seen me watching them, but I was too far away to recognize.

I pull up into the driveway of Connor's house, and try to think of what to say about Jace not being here. Before I have any time to think, Connor is standing in the doorway, waiting for me to come inside.

"Where is he?" Connor asks angrily, looking around to see if Jace is following me.

"He's uh.. he had some work to do today." I lie.

"His work is here." Connor states blankly.

"Yeah, he's just.." Connor takes a step towards me, hovering over me on the stoop outside his front door.

"Where is he, Horan?" His fists are balled up at his sides and his jaw is clenched tightly.

"I don't know," I lie again.

"You're a liar, Horan, and I don't like liars." He leans closer to me and I can feel his breath on my face. "Tell me where he is, or I will break your fucking arm."

I stare at the ground, not saying a word.

"One last chance, bud."

I don't say anything.

He grabs onto my shoulder and turns me around, fast. He forcefully pulls my arm behind my back in an awkward and painful position. I hear the familiar sound of his switchblade being pulled out and cringe when the cool metal rests just under my jawline. I close my eyes as he speaks into my ear again. "Where is Stone, Horan?"

"At his family's house." I give up, and he releases his grip on my arm and lowers the blade.

"Take me there." He instructs, and I obey.


	6. Chapter 6

After the visit to the cemetary Jace surprised us all again by telling us he wanted to spend most of the afternoon with us. My mom was more than happy, she has hardly stopped crying since Jace showed up. Stella has been her usual happy self, and me... I'm just confused. I'm happy that Jace has had a sudden change of heart and wants to spend time with us and I'm more than happy that he came to dad's grave, but there's a part of me that can't help but wonder what his motives are. I know that sounds bad, but Jace hasn't been to our dad's grave in six years. He's never showed his face at a familiy gathering since the accident, and he sure as hell doesn't openly tell us how he's feeling. This isn't the Jace I know, and my curiosity is getting the better of me.

We pull into the driveway at around 1:30, the fresh snow crunching under the tires of the car as we slowly make our way into the garage. "How about I make us some lunch?" My mom offers kindly. She looks into the rearview mirror of the car, making eye contact with me in the backseat.

"Sure, mom, that'd be great." I glance at Jace in the front seat and he's nervously fiddling with his thumbs as he answers my mom's question. His tone of voice is flat, lacking any life whatsoever.

"Mace?" She prompts. "How bout it? You've been kind of quiet today." Her eyes are still staring at me through the reflection of the mirror, and even though it's not direct contact, I still feel like she's burning a hole into my head.

"Yeah, sure." I answer even though I'm not hungry. My mind is aching to know what Jace is doing here.

We all shuffle out of the car and head into the house. Before we walk into the kitchen, Jace mutters something and runs up the stairs. Taking this as an opportunity to corner him and make him explain his odd behavior, I quickly follow behind him.

"Jace?" I call as I head into my room, removing the snowy hat from my head and tossing it on the bed. I hear a groaning and gagging sound coming from behind the bathroom door and I quickly rush over to see Jace bent over the toilet bowl, whimpering in between waves of throw up.

I stand back watching as he continues to vomit violently into the bowl, counting three separate times. He finally sits upright and leans against the toilet, wiping off his mouth with the back of his hand. "Water," he demands of me, so I take the cup off the bathroom counter and fill it with sink water. He takes a large sip, swishes the water around in his mouth, and spits it back into the cup.

"Gross." I groan and he smirks at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He gets to his feet and walks to his side of the counter and grabs his toothbrush. I watch as he lays a large amount of toothpaste on the bristles and circles it around his mouth, creating a white foam. He sees me staring at him through the mirror. "What?" He mumbles through a foamy mouth.

"Why are you here?" He stares at me for another second and finally spits out his toothpaste.

"Why am I here?" He repeats back to me, turning to face me.

"Yeah.." I mutter, embarrassed at how ungrateful I sound.

"I decided it was time to stop fucking around," he rebuttals a little too easily.

"Why now?"

"It's been six years."

"Exactly. It's been six years, so what makes this year any different?" I don't mean to sound accusing, and the truth must hurt because his voice becomes low and husky.

"It's been 2,191 days since I killed him, Mace. 2,191 days since I've spoken to him. 2,191 days since I've been there for you and mom and Stella. 2,191 days that I've lived with this undeniable, incurable pain. 2,191 days, 52,594 hours, 3,155,692 minutes, that I've been a shitty brother, son, and person. Enough is enough. I'm trying to fix things before..." He stops himself and I find myself highly dissatisfied with the answer he has given. It still doesn't explain what made him change. He's been this way for six years, why is he changing now? Why is he choosing today to mend the things he's broken? Why today? Why now?

"Before what? And how do you remember all of those numbers?"

"Macy, I've never stopped counting the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, that pass every single day I live without you guys and dad." I don't understand. Am I missing something? Wasn't this his choice?

"Jace, you CHOSE to remove yourself from us. No matter what we did, you kept pulling away. You chose that. If you were hurting so badly, why didn't you say something?"

"It's complicated, Mace..."

"What's so complicated about it Jace? We're your family." My voice is starting to shake and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I desperately try to push them away.

"Wait, shh." Jace puts a finger to his lips and silences our conversation. I huff in frustration but listen closely, listening to what he is hearing. The sound of voices comes from downstairs and I recognize one right away: Niall.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I whisper-yell to Jace. Based on his expression, I can tell he doesn't know either. Another voice comes from downstairs, and it's one that I don't recognize. Jace's face goes pale at the sound of it.

"Fuck. Hell. Shit. Fucking hell!" Jace looks like he's just seen a ghost and frantically shuffles to his room. He grabs a duffle bag from under his bed and shoves in a plethora of white shirts and black jeans. He pulls out another small duffle bag, empty, and shoves it into the bigger one. He grabs a blanket from his closet and the picture frame off his nightstand that holds his favorite family photo. He grabs the little keychain Stella got him for his 18th birthday and my father's old watch and pushes them into the bag as well. He zips it shut and finally notices me standing frozen in the doorway.

"What are you doing? Where are you going? What are you doing?" I repeat again, unable to process what I'm witnessing. It sure looks like Jace is packing for a long stay somewhere.

"Macy, quiet!" He hushes me and listens again to the sound of the voices. In the absence of them, he panics even more and tells me to go look and see if they are still here.

"No!" I protest. "I'm not going anywhere and neither are you!" I rush towards him and rip the bag from his grip, holding onto it tighter than anything I ever have in my entire life.

"Macy, please," he begs. "Please go look, I promise I'll be right here when you get back. Please, Mace, go look." He looks so scared and I've never seen him look like this before. I hang onto to his bag, making sure he doesn't leave, and walk slowly to the hallway, leering over and railing to gain sight into the foyer.

"Not there," I whisper to him.

"Go check the kitchen." He orders. I walk cautiously down the staircase that leads into the kitchen, peeking into it just enough to see Niall and an unknown male at the kitchen table. Niall notices me and almost speaks up, but I put a finger to my lips and put on my best pleading eyes, and he quickly looks away, pretending not to see anything. I don't know what Jace's issue with these two is, but he seemed so scared that I don't want to blow his cover.

I walk back up the stairs and into Jace's room, still holding his bag in my hand to secure him keeping his promise. "They're still here," I quietly state, but I'm greeted by an empty room. I nervously glance around, my heart pounding, searching anxiously for Jace. "Jace?" I cry, a little louder than I meant to. "JACE!"

There's no answer from anywhere, and it's then that I notice the open window on the opposite wall. Praying that what I'm thinking isn't true, I walk over to the window and hope for the best. Despite my best efforts to pray, I instantly know that Jace is no longer in the room. Call it twin telepathy, I guess. I just know that Jace is gone.


	7. Chapter 7

The image within the window frame has become all I can see. The snowy ground sparkles as the ray of the sun illuminates every inch of it perfectly, and a sight like this would be beautiful to anybody else in any other situation: the fresh falling snow, the layer of cotton on the ground, the way it lines the trees, the twinkle of Christmas lights; it would all be very beautiful if I could pay attention to anything else except the footprints down below.

I stand as a statue in front of the window, trying to contemplate how exactly Jace managed to get down from the two story window. He looked so scared that the fear alone must have driven him and blocked out any common sense. Why is he so scared of whoever is downstairs anyway?

I jump when I feel a sudden hand in my shoulder. "Macy?"

I quickly turn around to my mother, frozen and unsure what to do. Do I tell her Jace left? What else can I tell her? I have to tell her he left. I don't have another choice. "Mace?" She repeats, curiously looking around the room. "Honey, where is Jace? He's got a few visitors downstairs waiting."

"Um, I, he, um.." My words escape me and I search my brain manically trying to think of something, anything, to tell my mother. "He's just uh, he ran to the store. To get me... tampons." I can't believe such a lame-ass excuse has just come out of my mouth, but I can't take it back now. Why did my brain come up with tampons, of all things he could have gone to the store to get? And more importantly, why did i not filter that before it came out?

My mom stares at me in the 'I don't know what you're up to, but I know it's something' way that moms always do and pries for more information. "Tampons, huh?"

I feel my cheeks flush and I nod shyly. "Yeah..."

"I didn't see him leave, and both cars are here."

"He walked."

"In below freezing weather?"

"He needed some... fresh air?" What was supposed to be a statement comes out more as a question than anything. She narrows her eyes at me.

"And when will he be back from his 'walk'?" I know she knows I'm lying.

"Soon." I lie. I can't tell her what really happened. 'Well mom, you see, Jace heard the visitors downstairs, freaked the fuck out, and jumped out of the two story window. I'm not sure if he's ever coming back because he tried to pack a bag containing all of his shit before disappearing, which I now have, so your son is out there with nothing now.'

Yeah. That wouldn't go over well. Instead I try to distract her. "Did you say there were visitors downstairs?"

I walk towards the door with Jace's bag still in my hand. I'm afraid if I put it down my mom will get nosey and look through it. Instead, quickly ahead of her and shove it into the hall closet. Before she can say anything else I hurry down the stairs, immediately regretting it when I'm met by the two boys at the table and I have no idea what to say to them.

"Hi," I try to sound as cheerful as possible so as not to tip them off about Jace's disappearance. I will have my brother's back until the day I die, even if I don't quite understand why.

Niall gives me a slight head nod, and the brown haired man with an almost buzz cut stands up. The man is extremely bulky, very muscular. His shoulders are broad and the fabric of his shirt clings to them in an awkward yet perfect way. His arms are as tattooed as Niall's, maybe more so, but he doesn't sport any piercings except for a stud in his right ear.

He walks towards me, and I feel even more frightened of him than I did whe I met Niall. Actually, ironically, I find myself moving closer to Niall to get farther away from the mystery man.

"You don't look like Jace," the man states, eyeing my up and down. "Does she, Niall?"

Niall stands up and moves next to him. The small wooden table is what separates myself from them at this point. "No, she doesn't," he answers.

I watch the pair carefully and examine the way Niall behaves around this guy. When he makes a movement, Niall does too. Niall seems t be constantly watching him out of the corner of his eye

"A brilliant observation," I remark. "Jace is busy."

"Busy?" The man smirks and looks at Niall. "You hear that, Niall? He's busy!" Niall smiles and lets out a nervous and completely fake laugh. The man flicks his head in my direction and Niall moves quickly around the table to my side. I move quickly too, though, and relocate myself as Niall tries to come next to me.

"What are you doing, sweetheart?" The man takes a step towards me, his presence and pet names making my skin crawl. "Just tell me where Jace is, and we'll go. Scout's honor." He puts his right hand across his chest on his heart.

"Sorry.. I didn't catch your name?" I ignore his comments entirely.

"Connor," he smirks and takes a other step towards me. I can smell the lingering scent of cigarette smoke clinging to his clothing with every step he takes. "And what's yours, gorgeous?"

I put in my best sarcastic smile. "Connor," I begin, "Jace is busy right now. I'll be sure to relay the message to him that you stopped by, and he'll call as soon as he can."

He lets out a huge laugh that sends shivers down my spine. "Isn't that adorable, Jace has his own messenger." He looks at Niall for affirmation and Niall laughs along with him.

"Listen, sweetheart," Connor moves yet another step towards me and is much too close for comfort right now. "You tell Jace that I stopped by, and I'll be expecting much more than a phone call from him in the next 6 hours. Can you do that?"

I stare at him and don't answer his question, partially because I'm annoyed at his condescending tone of voice, and partially because I don't know if I can do that, as I don't know when I will see Jace again.

"Did I stutter?" He asks me, and I still don't speak. "Did I?" He turns to Niall.

"No, not at all," Niall quickly responds. I roll my eyes at the annoying way he is kissing Connor's ass.

"Be sure to get the message to him," Connor states as I stand in silence, staring blankly at him. "Is she stupid?" He asks Niall and Niall shrugs his shoulders in response.

"Just tell him Connor stopped by, and if he doesn't show up where he is supposed to by morning, I will be right back here waiting." He lets his words linger for a minuet and then turns to Niall. "Lets go."

Niall follows behind him like a puppy and I watch as the black Range Rover pulls out of the driveway and skids down the street.

I pull out my phone as soon as they leave and send Jace a text.

2:04 To: Jace 

Who the hell is Connor? He wants you, now. What the fuck have you done? What have you gotten yourself into?


	8. Chapter 8

I never did get a reply from Jace after I sent that text. I sent him three more, trying to urge a reply out of him, but one never came. Each of them said about the same thing: "Where are you? What did you do? Who is Connor?"

But I never got a reply.

That was yesterday. I sat up all night thinking about Jace and Connor and Niall and my mom and my dad and Stella and myself. My mind never stopped running. I ended up finishing the bottle of vodka underneath my pillow, and also polished off a bottle of my mom's wine from the basement. I think at around 4 am I eventually passed out from the alcohol.

I wake up and the sun is beaming through my window, and I realize that I never closed it last night. My room feels like it is below freezing. The light burns, my head is pounding, and I'm fucking freezing. It's 2 pm. I reluctantly get up and shut my window and sluggishly walk to my closet to retrieve my electric blanket.

I pull it out off my shelf, and the chilly room makes me move a little faster to get back under the blankets. I crank up the blanket all the way and slide back into my bed. I have no intentions of moving from this position today.

I reach for my remote and flick on MTV. An episode of True Life is playing and I watch for a while as two young women deal with having social anxiety.

I wish I had social anxiety and didn't have to deal with Jace being a runaway.

My phone lights up on my nightstand and the ringtone loudly blasts next to my ear. It probably isn't as loud as I think it is, but given the amount of alcohol I drank last night, it's pretty damn loud. I quickly reach for it to shut it up. The thought that it could be Jace doesn't cross my mind until after the annoyed feeling passes, and a wave of disappointment floods through me when I see Derek's name on it instead.

Despite the pounding in my head, I answer the call.

"Hey," I greet him, trying not to sound as hungover as I feel. Derek has always hated when I drink alone, especially around this time of year.

"Hey you," I can hear the smile on his lips. "How are you babe? I miss you."

"Good. I miss you too."

Okay. I love Derek, I really do. He and I.. we're basically the same person, except for a few minor details: 1.) He's extremely "lets express our emotions" where as I'm very "lets just keep quiet and pretend things are okay." 2.) He knows exactly what he wants to do with his life and I have no idea. And 3.) his family is completely in tact and he has no idea what it's like to live in a family like my own. But other than that, we have a lot in common. Things are so comfortable with him, and that's one of the things I love about him.

"That's good, baby."

Oh. And he likes to use pet names. A lot. Which can get really annoying. But Derek is Derek, and so it is what it is.

"Mmm" I mumble as I continue to watch True Life. The girl on the TV is now trying to speak to somebody in a social situation for the first time in like six years.

"So listen, what are you doing today?" I close my eyes and internally groan as I know where this is going. I had plans to just lay in bed all day and think about Jace, but it sounds like Derek is about to ruin those plans.

"I, uh... nothing. Why?" I put my phone on speaker and set it on my pillow next to my mouth and snuggle up into my blankets some more.

"I miss you, babe! I'm gonna come see you, okay?" I roll my eyes. Typical Derek to want to just come over and not go and do anything. Although today, that may not be such a bad thing. I rub my eyes and stretch my arms.

"Sure, Der. I mss you too. When are you going to come over?" I glance at the clock.

"How about around 3? Does that work?"

"Yup. That'll work. I'll see you then?"

"Okay, see you soon!" He hangs up the phone.

I manage to somehow muster up the strength to get out of bed, but not enough to actually shower. I swear, sometimes it feels like Derek and I are an old married couple. I hardly care what I look like in front of him anymore, not to mention our sex life basically sucks because 1.) he's never home anymore and I don't have a car to go visit him and 2.) whenever he is home I'm not in the mood. Like today. I think subconsciously part of me thinks that Derek will never leave me, and so I can look and act however I want in front of him and he'll still love me.

I look in the mirror and am disgusted by what I see, but not enough to make me want to shower. Oh well. I pull my hair up into a sock bun and put on a pair of leggings along with a white tank top and one of my longer cardigans and I look somewhat put together. Much more than I feel, that's for sure. I wash my face and don't bother with my makeup. However, upon taking a second glance in the mirror and seeing my lifeless complexion, I decide to swipe on some light bronzer.

That seems to do the trick and so I open my door and head downstairs to get some food before Derek comes. It's about 2:45 now.

I peek into my mom's room just before heading down the stairs and see her and Stella laying on her bed, Stella watching a show on the TV and my mom engulfed in a copy of one of her religious books.

"Macy," she calls when she sees me in her doorway. "I see you're finally up." She pulls her glasses down to her nose and Stella doesn't pull her eyes from the TV.

"Yeah, I didn't realize how late I slept. Derek is coming over," I tell her.

"Okay, sweetie. I think I'm gonna take Stella to see a movie in a bit. Jace never came back home yesterday, did he?"

The nonchalant tone to her voice is to be expected. Jace disappears a lot. She doesn't know that he tried to run with a bag of his things, and I'm not going to tell her. I don't know anything for sure, so why worry her?

"No, not that I know of." Her face falls when I tell her that. My heart breaks for her and I have no control over what I say next. "But he told me he'll be back really soon."

"Really? He did?" Her face lights up again and it kills me that I'm lying to her, but for some reason I continue to do it.

"Yeah, so don't worry," I tell her even though my subconscious is screaming for me to tell her that she should be very worried and he will more than likely not be back soon. But I can't tell her that. She's too fragile and that will break her. I'll tell her eventually. When the week is over, probably.

She smiles at me and brings her glasses back up and continues to read. Stella still never moves from her position.

My stomach grumbles and reminds me of my search for food. I head downstairs and sift through the fridge, eventually pulling out a vanilla yogurt cup and throwing some granola into it. Not very substantial, but it seems to be all I can even think about stomaching at this point.

I mindlessly flip through one of my mom's food magazines on the counter, and come across a dish in there that looks amazing. A four cheese tortellini with vodka cream sauce and diced chicken, dusted with a light layer of Parmesan cheese. I look in the fridge to see if the ingredients are in there and much to my disappoint we are missing chicken, tortellini and vodka cream sauce. The only thing we have that I would need is Parmesan cheese.

I open my wallet and pull out a crumpled up twenty dollar bill. Derek will be here soon, and I will have him take me to the store. I sit at the table and flip through the magazine, all the while thinkng about how good this dish is going to taste. About 10 minutes pass and I am starting to get annoyed that Derek is late. As if on cue, he sends a text message my way.

*Running late. Be there closer to 4. Love you!*

He always does that. He adds on "love you" or "baby" to the end of a message as if he thinks that that will make me less pissed at him. It never does. The store isn't very far. I decide I don't want to wait, so I grab my coat and my boots and trek through the snow. It will do me good to get out of the house anyway.

I see some fresh tire tracks in the street in front if my house, and glance around expecting to see a neighbor, but no one is around. I continue my walk towards the grocery store.

It only takes about ten minutes to get to my destination. There is hardly any wind again, and so walking outside isn't so bad. The parking lot of the store is about halfway full, and I walk in and shake my boots off on the carpet provided. It is soaking wet from all the other people doing the exact same thing, so it doesn't do much good. It mostly just makes the water in the carpet slosh around in a way that makes the rest of the tile floor wet. I carefully walk past the wet floor and head to the pasta aisle. I don't find the tortellini right away in the box, and so I resort to asking an employee. She seems annoyed when she has to stop stacking boxes, and I apologize for inconveniencing her even though she is being paid to help me. She points me towards the direction of the frozen foods. I mumble out a thank you and head down that way.

I grab my tortellini after a few minutes of searching and find the sauce that goes with it easily as well. I head to the self check out and realize I forgot the chicken. I turn around to go back to the deli and notice a familiar face in the candy aisle.

"Shit," I mutter and try to duck around without being noticed. I maneuver through the cereal aisle instead and when I pass the candy aisle, I peek down to check to see if he is still there. I notice he's not, and no sooner than I take in a breath of relief I am smashing into a body in front of me.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," the words rush out of my mouth and I bend down to help the person lick up their belongings.

I see two tattooed arms picking up the items and huff in frustration as I realize that the person I ran into is the person I was trying to avoid.

"You're a clutz, you know that?" He says as he gathers the items in his arms: a candy bar, a pack of cigarettes, a Mountain Dew, and six packs of orange TicTacs.

"Sorry," I mutter and move past him.

"Wait," Niall says and for some reason I do. The thought of Jace crosses my mind and I turn around in hopes that he might know something and is going to tell me some information about why the hell Jace has been acting so weird and who Connor is. "Here," he hands me my phone. It must have fallen out of my bag.

"Oh," I say somewhat solemnly. "Thanks." I really thought he was going to tell me something about Jace.

He turns and walks away instead.

I roll my eyes and try to ignore the pang in my chest about Jace. I swing by the deli and grab two chicken breasts and check out at the self checkout.

I walk outside and the wind has picked up. It blasts against my cheek and stings. I try to pull up my jacket to block some of it, but it hardly helps. My hands are freezing, too. In my haste to get out I forgot gloves.

I walk quickly through the parking lot, the snow making its way into my boots. I hear car tires coming up behind me so I move to the left a little and out of the way, but the car doesn't pass me. It slows down and is slowly riding next to me now. The driver rolls down the window and there sits Niall. Of course.

I try and act like I don't notice him but he calls my name, and being only ten feet away from him, it's hard to pretend not to hear that.

I keep waking as I answer him, not wanting to spend any more time in the cold than I have to. "What, Niall?" I mumble through my coat.

"Get in," he says and stops the car. I keep walking. He steps on the gas and I hear the engine of his Range Rover roar as he picks up speed and jerks the wheel to the left, blocking me and almost hitting me completely.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I scold, stopping in my tracks to keep from running into his car.

"Just get in. It's fucking freezing. I'll take you home."

I contemplate this for a minute and in that minute the wind is painstakingly cold and my judgement gets the better of me. I just want out of the cold, so I get in the car.

I get in the passengers seat with my groceries and he eyes my bags carefully. "Cooking?" He asks.

"Yeah." I reply.

"Looks good." A voice comes from the back and startles me. I hadn't realized there was a third person in the car with us.

I turn around, greeted by piercing brown eyes and a smile that makes me want to jump out of the now moving vehicle.

"Hey sweetheart," he purrs and leans forward a bit. "I told you I'd be back if Jace didn't show up."


	9. Chapter 9

I look to Niall in the driver's seat, but he's got his eyes on the road. That little shit. He purposely wanted me to get in the car because Connor was in there.

Connor reaches into the center console and pulls out a pack of the cigarettes I saw Niall with in the store. He slides one out and lights it up in the car, completely disregarding the other passengers in the car. I sense Niall isn't going to say anything, so I turn to him annoyedly. "Do you have to do that in here?" I ask. I try my best to act like I'm not afraid of him, but I am. I'm scared of him because Jace was scared of him, and that says a lot.

He doesn't say anything, just continues to light up the cancer stick. He takes a puff from it and blows the smoke towards the front seat, a small smile creeping across his lips as he watches me gag from the smell. I crack the window open and scoot as close to the door as I can to get as much fresh air as possible.

"So Jace never showed up where he was supposed to," Connor states from the back seat.

"Yeah." Is all I say. I don't know what I am and am not allowed to say to him.

"So we're gonna go back to your place, and you're gonna go in a get him for me, okay sweetheart?"

I stay silent. I don't know what to say to him. I hear him lean closer and poke his head in between the front seats. His voice is next to my ear when he repeats himself. "I'm going to take you back to your home, and you're going to get him for me, okay?" His tone has shifted and he sounds more annoyed and angry than anything.

"He's.. he's not home." I tell him. I purse my lips together and look out of the corner of my eye towards him.

"And do you know where he is?"

"No." I tell him honestly. I really have no idea where he is. 

"Hmm," he hums and takes another drag of his cigarette. "Well, this puts us in quite a predicament, doesn't it NIall?"

I look over at Niall, who is eyeing Connor from the rearview mirror. The two exchange a glance and I almost ask what silent communication just went on between them, but I keep my mouth shut. Instead, I focus my attention on the street whizzing by outside the car. Why did I even get in the car with him?

I stare out the window and notice as Niall passes my street entirely. My heart starts to race and my palms start to sweat. I am anxious to get out of the car and suddenly I don't think that Niall has any intention of taking me home. My mouth feels dry as I come to the realiziation and I drum my fingers on the door, trying to remain calm and not show the two that I am scared. Really scared.

"You, um.. you passed my street," I mutter to him, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh shit, did I?" He seems genuinely taken by surprise and hastily jerks the car to the right, turning at an unsafe speed into a different street of my neighborhood. He loops back around the route, retracing the steps. "Which one is it again?"

"Grandview Avenue," I tell him. My heart rate slows back to normalcy when I realize that my paranoia had gotten the best of me. Dammit Jace. He's got my head all fucked up. Who the hell were these guys anyway? And why am I, and why was Jace, so god damn scared of them?

Niall pulls up to my driveway and for a minute I almost forgot that Connor was in the backseat. As I open the door to leave, Connor simultaneously opens the rear passenger door and steps out beside me. I don't shut my door because something about being outside by myself with Connor freaks me the fuck out, but he shuts the door for me, followed by his own. I sneak a glance at Niall who is staring straight out the windshield. What the fuck.

"Macy," Connor starts and throws his cigarette on the ground, putting it out with his foot. "You're afraid of me, aren't you?"

I take a step back from him, looking at Niall again. He is playing with the dial on the radio. "I am not afraid of you." I state sternly, even though my hands are shaking.

"See, that's how I know you're a liar," he says coolly. "You don't think I can see your hands shaking, your body language? Look at you, you keep looking at Niall, hoping he'll come out here and help you. You're rubbing your arm nervously beacuse you don't know what else to do, and you've taken a step back to distance yourself from me. You're afraid of me. And you're a liar; a lousy one at that."

I automatically pull my hand down from rubbing my arm and stand with my hands at my side, trying to be conscious of the fact that I can't glance at Niall. How the hell is he so good at reading me?

He laughs. "And now you're making sure not to do any of those things, because you know they're all true." He takes a step towards me, and I make a point not to move. "But you see, sweetheart, Niall isn't going to come out here and help you." Another step closer. "You're out here to talk to me, and me alone."

I open my mouth to speak, but I can't. Nothing comes out.

"You don't have to be afraid of me," his mouth says the words, but his face says otherwise. "I don't want you to be scared of me. I want to be your friend."

"Okay," my voice squeaks and cracks and I have nothing else to say.

"Good," he takes a step back and gets into the car. The wheels of the car spin in the snow for a minute before taking off down the road.

What in the hell just happened? I look down at my empty hands and curse those bastards under my breath. They took my groceries with them. My head is spinning, and I'm trying to sort through what happened when a different car pulls up. Derek's car.

He steps out of his car and into my driveway. "Mace? What are you doing out here?" He walks towards me as I try to think of an explanation.

"Um. Waiting for you," I lie. A smile spreads across his face and he wraps me in a tight hug.

"It's freezing out here, babe. Let's get you inside." He grabs my hand and leads me in the door, and I'm still silently fuming at the fact that Niall and Connor took off with my groceries and now I can't make my food. Also, let's not forget the fact that they almost kidnapped me - or so I thought - and then Connor cornered me in the creepiest way possible and told me not to be afraid of him, which ironically only made me MORE afraid of me. Huh.

"I tried calling you like, five times." Derek tells me as we enter the kitchen. "Why weren't you answering?"

I pat my pockets of my coat and when I don't feel the familiar rectangular outline of my phone, I frantically check my purse. "Dammit," I mutter under my breath.

"What?" Derek asks, taking a seat at the kitchen table and taking a bite of an apple he grabbed off the counter.

"I lost my phone," I tell him. I must have left that in Niall's car, too. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

"You lost it between the time that I called you and now?" He asks the question but looks generally uninterested as he asks.

"Yeah, I guess so," I lie even though I know exactly where it is.

"Want me to call it?" He asks, but I quickly shut it down

"No, no, that's okay," I spit out. The last thing I want is for Derek to call my phone and have Niall, or even worse, Connor pick up. Hell no. "I'll find it later."

"Mm," he hums and gets up and starts to walk upstairs. "Coming?"

I follow him up the stairs and into my room. He takes a seat on my bed and I follow his lead. He lays down and I curl up next to his chest, staring and thinking about nothing and everything all at once. 

Derek's voice breaks the silence after a while. "How's Jace?"

I peek up and see he is staring through the bathroom and into Jace's room. "Good," I lie. How can I tell anybody that Jace ranaway? Nobody would understand, people would freak the fuck out. Send out a missing person's report or something. I know Jace, and I know he won't be gone long. He'll have to call me or come to me eventually. He could never leave me, just like I could never leave him for good.

"What's he thinking about doing for school, do you know?" 

"No, I'm not sure." I shake my head slightly against his chest.

"Are you still thinking about NYU for next fall?"

"Mhmm," I lie again. I don't know what I'm doing next fall. I don't want to go to college. I want to travel the world. See things I've never seen. Go to foreign places and meet foreign people. I just want to take a year or two off and travel the world. Try telling anyone around here that, though.

Around this town, if you don't go to higher education, you're not worth anything. Finanicially or metaphorically. Only lowlives don't get a higher education. Taking a year off for yourself would be absolute mutiny. God forbid, right? I mean, we've only spent fourteen years in school already, and doing something for ourselves when we finally graduate is just asinine. Mom wouldn't understand, Derek wouldn't understand, the neighbors wouldn't understand. The only person who would is Jace.

"It's gonna be so great having you there with me," he beams. "I can't wait."

"Me either," I mumble into his chest. "So great."

He plants a soft kiss on my forehead and intertwines my fingers with his. He goes on to talk about his fraternity and the great parties and bar scenes at NYU and his new friends and how much we'll get along, but all I can think about is Jace. And Connor. And Niall. And how all of those things he's explaining to me sound so flimsy, so paper like; it all seems so fake. The college, the parties, the frat house, the people; it's all so fake and phony and it's all what everyone is expected to do.

As we continue to lay there and Derek continues to talk about his paper friends and paper parties and paper life at college, it all becomes abundantly clear that I would rather die than conform to that and be what people expect of me.

I miss Jace. Jace would understand what I was thinking. I reach for my phone to try and text Jace and realize that I don't have it. I sigh in frustration at Niall because he made me get in that damn car with him.

A ding comes from my laptop and I make my way off the bed while Derek continues to ramble about his new life and how much he can't wait for me to mold into it too. I open my computer and open up my Facebook page.

The red notification in the upper corner of the page sparks my attention.

Message from: Niall Horan

Left your phone in my car. Be by in an hour to drop it off.

My eyes flash from Derek sitting on the bed to Niall's message, and the only word playing through my mind is "fuck" over and over again.


	10. Chapter 10

Derek stops talking long enough to notice the look of panic that has grown on my face and I suddenly find myself wishing that he would just continue to talk about his college life.

"What's the matter?" He asks, sitting up on the bed and scooting to the edge. I check the time on the message and then shut down it down instantly and close my computer.

"Nothing," I lie to him again for what seems like the billionth time today.

"Are you sure?" He prompts and I simply nod. Because something is wrong. Niall is going to be showing up at my door with my phone in 45 minutes and Derek is going to wonder who the fuck he is and why he has my phone. God dammit.

Why am I so worried about this? I can just tell Derek the truth. Niall is Jace's friend. Yeah. And he has my phone because...

When I can't think of anything I start to panic again, and I guess the evidence of that is clear on my face. "Macy, you look really pale.. are you sure you're feeling okay?"

And just like that, I decide lying is easier than telling the truth again. "Actually, um, no," I get up from my computer and pretend to hold my stomach, faking a look of nausea on my face. "I feel like I'm going to throw up," and I make my way dramatically to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

I run the water in the sink and make a few gagging noises from behind the door. I must look like a complete idiot, and only an idiot themselves would believe this shit. Derek knocks on the door. "Mace? Everything okay in there?" The doorknob starts to turn and the door cracks open, and I hastily throw my palm against the door, shutting it almost on Derek. I shut it a little harder than I intended.

"I'm good," I choke out, faking another gag. I flush the toilet and grab my toothbrush, pretending that I'm brushing my teeth to mask the remnants of my throw up. I open the door again, being sure to look as fake sick as possible. "Sorry," I mutter to a concerned looking Derek once I open the door.

"Don't apologize, baby," he moves closer and puts a hand on my forehead. "Oh man, you feel really hot."

That would be because I am sweating bullets of fear and trying to fake throwing up.

"Yeah, I don't feel very well."

"Here, come here," He leads me to the bed. "Was it something you ate?" He has me lay down on the bed and covers me in my blanket.

"Yeah, maybe. Stella has had the flu bug for the past few days, so it's probably that." I guess once you lie once there's not really any harm in stacking the lies.

"Lay down and rest. Can I get you anything?" I glance at the clock. Thirty minutes before Niall gets here.

"Um, no," I let out a fake cough, even though flu symptoms do not include coughing. "I'm just really tired."

"Okay, well here, I'll lay with you til you fall asleep," Derek starts to climb into bed with me but I frantically stop him. He is so sweet, but today I really wish he wouldn't be.

"No, no, Derek I don't want to get you sick."

"Macy, please. It's fine." He proceeds to climb into bed and under the covers with me. "Go to sleep," he cooes.

I lay there with him and close my eyes, trying my best to fake falling asleep. This feels so wrong but I don't want him to run into Niall. I feel Derek leave the bed after a few minutes and the door shut quietly.

I open my eyes and now my fake nausea is replaced by real nausea. Staring at the ceiling, I try to get up the energy to get out of the bed and watch for Derek's car out the window to leave the driveway. I count the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling before getting out of the bed.

I push the curtain aside on my window and when I look out, Derek's red mustang is still in the driveway and also a white Jeep.

"What the hell," I mutter to myself and then I hear the door open. I awkwardly and quickly turn around and try to make my way back onto the bed, but I end up sitting on the edge of the bed, facing the window, away from the door.

"Macy?" Derek says and I peek around and see him standing in the doorway. "I thought you were asleep babe."

"Yeah, no, I was just uh, getting some water."

"Oh. Well, there is someone here to see you.." He moves out of the doorway and reveals Niall standing behind him, smirking at me. "He says he knows you."

"Yeah," I manage to squeak out.

"Hey Mace!" Niall says a little too enthusiastically. "So great to see you again!" He moves closer to me and hugs me tightly. My arms hang limp at my sides and he pulls away, still smiling wickedly. "Here, you left this in my car earlier." He hands me my phone.

I look at Derek, who is standing awkwardly in the corner of the room. Niall stands between the two of us, looking back and forth with a big smile on his face. "You good, bro?" He asks Derek, who looks pissed to say the least.

"I'm good." Derek states, eyes burning into me.

"You good, Mace?" Niall looks at me then.

"Good," I mutter, trying to break the glance between Derek and myself.

"Okay! Awesome." Niall says and walks towards Derek. "We've got some business to take care of so why don't you," Niall flicks his head towards the door, motioning for Derek to leave. "Get outta here."

"She's sick," Derek states. Niall looks to me.

"She doesn't look sick, mate. Macy, do you feel sick?"

"Go to hell, Niall. Thanks for my phone, now get the hell out."

"Yikes. Okay, I can take a hint. See you later, Der. And Macy," he turns to me and winks. "I'll be seeing you soon."

Fucking Niall. He walks out the door and heads down the stairs.

"Derek, he's just.."

"Hey, Macy, it's okay. You can have other friends. I mean, I don't expect you to not hang out with anybody except me. He was kind of a dick, but you don't need to explain anything to me. I trust you."

That was.. easy. Uncomplicated. Drama free. Anybody else would have liked that. Sometimes I honestly wish that Derek had a mean streak.

"Okay.."

"Go back to bed, I'll call you tomorrow." He walks over and plants a kiss on my cheek. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

He smiles and heads out the door. I let out a heavy sigh. At least now I have my phone. I turn it on and quickly check my text messages. Nothing from Jace, but I have one from Brinley.

4:13 Brinley

Hey bitch. Party at my house on Saturday. Call you later with details and shopping date. xoxo

Great. Despite my lack of enthusiasm, I type out a response to my best friend.

4:46 Macy

I'll be there, slut. Call me xx

Maybe a party will be just what I need to get my mind off of Jace being gone. A knock comes from my door as I still sit facing the window. "Derek?" I call and turn around to go open the door.

"Not quite." Niall stands smiling his usual smug, wicked smile in the hallway. Everytime I look at him smiling like that I want to know what is going on in his head. It looks like he's always concocting a plan for destruction.

"What the hell are you still doing in my house? I thought I told you to leave." I cross my arms and stand in the doorway, not allowing him access into my room.

"You did. And I did. And then I came back." That damn smile.

"And is there a reason for that?" I tap my foot in agitation. "And how did you get back in? And why are you knocking on my bedroom door instead of my front door? God, you have no boundaries, you know that?" 

"Yeah, I know. And I came back because you forgot your groceries in my car. And also I wanted to tell you how much of a prick your boyfriend is." 

"Oh okay, like I care what you think," I walk past him, shutting my bedroom door behind me and walking down the stairs. He follows closely behind me. 

"Why did he think you were sick anyway? You don't look sick to me," He prys as I lead him into the kitchen. 

"None of your business. Seriously, didn't your mother ever teach you not to walk into strangers' houses and put your nose in business that isn't yours?" I turn to face him. 

"Actually, no, she died before she had a chance to do that crap." His face is emotionless and my heart drops.

"Oh, I.." he cuts me off.

"Hey, fuck it. Past is past." I stare at him awkwardly before he speaks again, expecting him to break down in tears or something. But he doens't. "But seriously, your boyfriend is a tool."

"Stop saying things like that. He is not." I try my best to defend Derek, but my heart is still reeling from Niall's confession and the fact that he seems to not care at all about it. But, I guess if Niall is okay then I have nothing to feel bad about. 

"Out," I tell him and point to the door.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," he says and walks past the counter with the groceries on it. "What were you planning on making anyway?" He asks, eyeing the ingredients.

"Something I saw in one of my mom's food magazines."

"Can I see the recipe?" He looks at me curiously.

"What? No, you can't see the recipe. Who asks that?" I walk past the counter and pull out a pot from one of the bottom cabinets and start to boil some water.

"What are you doing?" He asks and I roll my eyes.

"I'm cooking," I answer annoyedly.

"Well, yeah, but you're going to use frozen tortellini?"

"Yes."

"Really?" He is starting to get on my nerves.

"Yeah, now get out," I tell him, pointing to the door again. "And let me cook in peace."

"Homemade tortellini is so much better," he answers, completely ignoring my request to him.

"Cool," I mutter, watching my water intently.

"Have you heard from Jace?" He asks and I drop my spoon that I am mindlessly stirring the water with. My back is turned from him and I feel my heartbeat start to quicken at the sound of Jace's name.

"N-no.." I stutter out, not turning around yet. I am trying to collect myself before I turn to face Niall. I suck in a deep breath and let it out immediately, turning around in the process. "Have you?"

"No." He states emptily and my heart drops. "I was just wondering. Sucks not having him around."

"Tell me about it," I mutter, staring at the floor. 

"Well, hey, I'm gonna get going. See ya around, Macy." He walks towards the door and my heart is still on the floor. I hear a sizzling sound coming from behind me and I turn around to a large mountaing of white foam boiling over the edge of my pot.

"Dammit," I turn down the stove top and try to move the pot from the direct heat. With my hand on the handle I move the pot, and instantly rip my hand away at the contact of the burning water on my skin. "Ow, fuck. Ow!" I run my hand under cold water as I watch the skin go from pale to pink to red. "Oh, perfect," I mutter.

The water in my pot is now half gone and I have lost my entire appetite anyway. I grab a ziplock bag from the drawer and fill it with ice, keeping it on my burned hand. I dump the remaining water in the sink and put my ingredients in the fridge and freezer.

I sit down on the couch and pull out my phone, dialing Brinley's phone number. I count the rings as I listen through the speaker. For whatever reason, Brin always picks up on the third ring. Everytime. One... two... three... "Hey bitch," she greets me in her usual way.

"Hey Brin," I move the ice over my burn again and leave it there for a second, taking it off after the skin starts to hurt from the cold. Then I repeat the action.

"Get my text?" She asks, obnoxiously chewing on a piece of gum from the other side of the phone.

"Yeah. Party at your house on Saturday?"

"Fuck yes," she beams. "Mom's out of town and Dad is going on a golfing trip."

"And what's Drew doing?"

"Oh, I paid that little shit ten bucks to spend the night at the neighbor's house. He's such an easy buy." She giggles. "I've probably paid for his entire college tuition by this point, but who cares?"

"Small price to pay to have him out of your hair," I tell her light heartedly.

"Exactly," She exclaims. "See? You get me. This is why we're best friends."

"Mmm," I mumble.

"So we'll go shopping on Friday, yeah? It is New Year's Eve, after all! We need something fab to wear. And then you'll help me set up on Saturday? Pretty pleeease?" She begs and I can't turn her down.

"Yes, yes, of course I will."

"Yay! Are you bringing Jace?" God I wish people would stop talking about him.

"No."

"Derek?" It takes me a minute to think about this one.

"Haven't decided yet."

"Hey, no shame in that." She playfully states. "I get it, boyfriend free New Years! Sounds like my kinda party."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'll see you Friday then?"

"Pick you up at noon. Bye bitch."

I roll my eyes and a small smile plays across my face at her silly greetings and farewells for me. I lay down on the couch and drift off to sleep, my dreams shifting between Jace, Derek, and Niall.


	11. Chapter 11

Six days. It's been six days since I've heard a word of Jace. Six fucking days. He has never been gone this long without calling or texting or something. Mom keeps asking when he's going to be home again, and I just don't have the heart to tell her that I honestly have no idea. I'm scared of what she'll do. I'm scared she won't be able to handle it. And the more days that pass, the more scared I get that she'll be pissed that I lied, and so I keep lying. Everytime she asks I answer with a short answer and I nearly never look her in the eye, because I can't. I just can't.

It's noon on Friday now and Brinley is late, as usual. I sit perched on the staircase, staring out the window next to the door, waiting for her car to pull up in the drive. Ten minutes pass and I decide to give her a call. One.. two.. three.. "Hey bitch," she greets me.

"Where are you? It's noon."

"Oh shit, that's right! I'm so sorry, I totally forgot. I'll be there in five, I swear."

"You forgot? Brin, this was your idea."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, and the world's worst friend award goes to me for like the seventeenth time this month. See you in five!"

She hangs up before I get a chance to say anything else. Brinley wasn't the worst friend in the world, but she definitely was flakey. Like, I couldn't count on her for anything except for updating me on the current gossip in the school. But she's a good friend, and she's fun to hang out with.

Five minutes pass and she still isn't here. Shocker. I type out another text to Jace in the meantime, hoping that if I text him enough, maybe he'll get annoyed and answer me.

12:17 Macy

It's not fucking funny anymore Jace. You're scaring me. Where the hell are you? Send me something to let me know that you're not lying in a ditch somewhere, please. I'm running out of things to tell mom and Stel. 

I click the lock button on my phone and slide it into my pocket. Brinley's car pulls into the driveway and I call out a goodbye to my mom and head outside. I can hear her music blaring from outside the car and when I open the door it's even louder.

"Let's go!" She yells over the song.

"You were the one who was late!" I practically shout.

"What?"

"I said, you were the one who was late!"

She finally turns down the music when she can't hear me for the second time. "What?" She repeats and I just roll my eyes.

"Nothing, forget it."

"You're grumpy today. I'm not going anywhere with you if you're going to be grumpy." She takes the car out of reverse and places it in park.

"I am not grumpy."

"Are too."

"Brinley, just fucking drive."

"I know what you need!" She exclaims and finally backs out of the drive. We roll down the road, turning to get on the highway within minutes. "Starbucks," she finally says with a smile on her face. She thinks Starbucks is the answer to all of life's problems. That, and cheeseburgers. Brinley is infamously known around our small town for being able to eat a cheeseburger for every meal of every day and still being the smallest girl in our class. She doesn't actually do that, but she would if she could I'm sure.

She whips into the drive-thru and begins to order. "Want anything?" She asks, turning to me. I crinkle my nose in response. "Oh, bullshit. You need some sort of pick me up, because I swear I will not spend the day with you if you're going to be the grinch of shopping today. Two tall white chocolate mocha frappucinos, no whip cream on both," she orders to the speaker.

She eventually gets back onto the highway and heads towards Grandview Mall. Despite my lack of interest in the drink she ordered me, I drink it anyway. It actually does taste good, and coincidentally puts me in a little bit of a better mood.

Upon entering the mall, Brinley proceeds to tell me that she is on a tight budget, and we need to try our best to stick to it. But, incase we can't, she stole her mom's credit card.

"Brin!" I gasp at her.

"What? She told me I could take it for emergencies, and I count not being able to afford something absolutey fabulous an emergency. I didn't technically steal it, it is mine. She just holds onto it and doesn't give it to me unless I have a good reason. Which, as I previously stated, I think this is."

She suggests we go into Forever 21 first, to scope out the cheap dresses and see if she finds something to her liking. I agree, as I am on my Christmas money budget, which is about $100.

"Oh, and we're kind of responsible for supplying the alcohol," she adds.

"We?"

"Come on, you're helping me with the party, aren't you?"

"Yes, but it's your party."

"Macy, please?" She turns from the dress rack she is flicking through and looks to me with pleading eyes. I just roll my eyes in defeat and walk to a different rack of clothes.

"Dress or skirt?" I ask, holding up a sequin black dress and a shiny black skirt. She cocks her head for a minute, bringing her pointer finger to her chin. 

"If you can find a fab top to go with the skirt, then skirt."

I nod in understandment and start my hunt for a top. 

I end up with no luck in Forever finding a top that I like for my skirt, but I really like the skirt. I decide to go with it regardless and look elsewhere for a top. Brinley comes out of the store empty handed. We head into Macy's, even though I'm sure it's much too expensive for me. I hunt around a little and find a tight, gold long-sleeved shirt that I absolutely love. 

"Brin, I'm gonna go try this with my skirt," I tell her and head to the dressing room.

"Wait!" She calls and rushes towards me with an armful of dresses in various colors. "Okay, let's go." 

*** I put the shirt on first, and it's really tight. Too tight. I slide the skirt up my legs, zipping it in the back. The waistband of the skirt comes to my mid-drift, masking some of the tightness of the top. It's still really tight, though. I take a step back in the tiny dressing room and examine myself in the mirror. Oh hell, I can't decide. "Brinley," I whine from the room. 

"Come out," she instructs me, so I open the door and step out. Her eyes widen when she sees me. "Yes. That's the one. No other options, no questions, no arguments, no nothing. It's that one."

"Really?" I turn around and look in the three panel mirror, moving at different angles to get the full effect of it all. "I don't know, Brin. The top is really tight." 

"I know!" She cries. "That's what makes it perfect. Your boobs like phenomenal. And that skirt," she moves closer. "Damn you. I wish I had found that outfit sooner. But, I suppose, being your best friend and all, I will give it up for you, so you can look dapper as hell and knock the pants off of everyone else at that party."

"Oh thanks," I giggle sarcastically. "Wait, can you check the price on the top?" She lifts the tag out from the back of the shirt.

"Holy fucking shit," she exclaims. "Does it fucking light up or something?" 

"What? How much is it?" 

"It's fucking $75."

"Annnd there goes my outfit of choice. I really should check the price before I try something on," I mumble and start to head into the dressing room. 

"Macy, you are not giving that top up."

"It's too much, Brinley."

"Credit card," she says and waves the card in front of my face. 

"That's yours." 

"What's mine is yours, darling. And this way, I can borrow it whenever I want. Win/win!" 

I give her a smile. "Are you buying that one?" I ask, pointing to the red dress she is wearing. 

"You like?" She asks, spinning around dramatically. 

"I love it," I tell her honestly. 

"Then I'm buying it!"

I smile and go back into the dressing room. I don't want her to buy the top for me, but if I don't allow her to, she'll just do it on her own anyway. My phone vibrates in my jean pocket on the floor and I reach for it. A gasp escapes my lips seeing the name on the screen. 

"What? Having trouble getting out of the top?" Brinley calls from outside the dressing room.

"Oh, uh, no, I'm fine." I tell her and read the message on my screen. 

1:36 Jace 

I'm fine mace. dnt worry abt me.

1:38 Macy Where the fuck are you? Call me, please!!!!

I wait for a reply but one doesn't come. Sighing, I put my phone on the ground and wiggle out of my outfit, putting on my regular one. I step out of the dressing room and Brinley is holding out her hand. I hand her the top and she walks feverishly to the checkout and buys the clothing. "Thanks, Brin," I mutter to her as she pays for the items. 

"Don't thank me, this is mostly for me anyway," she says with a wink. "I'm hungry," she states as she takes her card back from the lady and grabs the bag. "Are you hungry?"

"Sure, I could go for some food." 

We walk to the food court and I end up buying a slice of pizza along with a side salad, where as Brinley chooses to get a plate full of chinese noodles and orange chicken. She chews her food and talks about all the people she has invited to the party.

"So it starts at like, 9 I guess. I don't know, is that a good time? I don't want it to be too early."

"Yeah, 9 sounds good."

"Okay, so you'll help me set up at like 7 then?"

"Yep, I'll be there." 

"Okay, thank you so much. So we need to get alcohol, which I still have to figure out how we're getting, some food..." She trails off in her list of items. "Who is that?" She asks, pointing with her fork to someone behind me.

I turn around, watching as Niall walks towards us. "Fuck," I mutter under my breath. "Nobody. Can we go?" I start to get out of my chair. 

"What? No! I've barely started eating," she argues. 

"Can you eat in the car? Seriously, I want to go." 

She doesn't answer, but instead looks directly behind me, and I know that Niall is standing there. I let out a deep breath and take a seat back in my chair, refusing to turn around to face him. He must be stalking me. I mean, really. 

"Hi," Brinley greets him with a mouthful of food. "Who are you?"

"Niall," he tells her and I can literally feel his gaze burning into the back of my head. "Hey Macy," he says and pulls out the chair next to me, taking a seat.

"Hi," I mutter to him.

"What are you girls up to?" He flashes his wicked smile and I want to get up and run out of the mall. Instead, I stir my lettuce around in the bowl with my fork mindlessly.

"Nothing," I answer him and look up at Brinley, who is eyeing him curiously, looking back and forth between me and him. 

"Do you two know each other?" She asks, looking confused.

"No." "Yes." We answer at the same time. I shoot him a 'get the hell out of here' look, but he just smiles. 

"I'm friends with her brother, Jace." He tells her, still watching me intently.

"I see," Brinley mumbles, clearly still confused. I give her a pleading look and she understands. "Well, we were just going," she states, getting up out of her chair. I follow her lead, graciously.

"Did I hear you two talking about a party?" He asks, standing up with us.

"No." We both say in unison.

"Oh, shame. Because it sounded like you were looking for someone to get you alcohol," he states. I look at Brinley, but her eyes are fixed on Niall. 

"You can get us alcohol?" She questions excitedly. 

"You bet." He tells her, his eyes dark.

She turns her head to me, and I shake my head slightly, telling her no way in fucking hell is she allowed to invite him to this party. "I.." She looks at me and then at him and then at me again. "We need alcohol, Mace. My mom locked up the cabinet from the last party I had when Maggie puked all over the carpeting and I don't know how else to get it..." her eyes plead with me and I know Niall is loving this, but no way in hell.

"We'll figure something out," I tell her and grab her arm, walking away from him.

"I can get you whatever you want!" I hear Niall call from behind us, but I keep walking, even as Brinley looks back at him and wants to stop.

"No, Brinley. He's not fucking coming to your party. I'm serious."

She shrugs her arm out of my grasp and continues walking, huffing and puffing dramatically to try and make me feel badly for her. But I don't care, no way in hell is Niall coming to her party. Over my dead body.


	12. Chapter 12

Brinley waits until we get in the car to say anything to me.

"What the hell was that about?" She scoffs, starting her engine.

"He's just really creepy. And he keeps showing up wherever I go. It's weird." I tell her.

"Whatever, he was actually really hot." She admits to me.

"He's bad news," I tell her as if I actually know him. "I mean, go for it if you want, I don't care. But he is creepy. Just beware."

"Hmm," she seems to ponder that for a minute. "And there is no chance that I can invite him to the party tomorrow?" She looks over at me with her best pouting face, but I quickly dismiss it. This isn't something I am up for discussing.

"Absolutely not. I'm sorry, Brin, but I don't want him there. If he comes then I won't." I tell her and mean it. She huffs in frustration doesn't say anything for the rest of the ride home.

***

It's 6:47 on Saturday now, and I have just finished packing my bag of clothes and make up and hair products and what not for the party tonight. Before heading out the door, I stop in the living room to say bye to my mom and Stella. I haven't heard from Jace since he sent me that very ambiguous message. With each passing day I get more and more worried about him, but I think deep down I know he's okay. I hope he's okay. That doesn't stop me from worrying about him and missing him all the time, but it's almost been a week since I last saw him. I just have to trust him, and hope that he knows what he's doing. There is nothing else I can do.

"Okay mom, I'm going over to Brinley's now. I'll be back sometime tomorrow," I tell her, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Be safe, honey. Call me in the morning, okay?" She smiles at me and I give her a soft head nod.

"Bye Stelbell, I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I put my hand on her head and rustle her hair. She is perched on the floor, laying on her belly with a coloring book and a pack of crayons in front of her. She looks up at me with my mother's eyes and smiles.

"Bye Macy, see you later!" And she goes back to coloring. I pat her head one last time and head for the door.

"Oh!" I exclaim before leaving. I turn back around just before I open the door. "And Happy New Year you two!"

"Happy New Year!" Comes the chorus from the living room and with that, I grab my duffle bag off the floor and head out to Brinley's.

"Yes! Finally! We have so much to do." She grabs my wrist upon opening her front door and pulls me inside without giving me time for so much as a 'hello.'

"Okay, relax, crazy." I set my bag on her staircase and the warm and familiar scent of vanilla fills the air. I take in the aroma and glance up at her brace-face, glasses wearing brother watching us from the top floor. "Hi Drew," I call from downstairs but he ignores me and disappears into his room.

"He's such a little shit," she remarks before pulling me into the kitchen. "Get your stuff together and get over to Anthony's house, Drew! I told you by 7 and it's 7:03!" She yells up the stairs and I'm not sure if he heard her or not. I hear his footsteps padding down the stairs and he makes a stop in the kitchen.

"I'm going," he snaps at her, grabbing a Mountain Dew from the fridge and going to the entryway of the house. "When can I come back?"

Brinley looks at me and we answer him in unison. "Noon."

He groans and leaves the house, leaving Brinley and I in peace.

The Bradley house is humongous. Mr. and Mrs. Bradley were one of the first people to buy a house in the new neighborhood of the town, and for them, it was easy to afford it. Mr. Bradley works as a lawyer in New York City, commuting there by train five days a week. Mrs. Bradley works as a doctor, which I'm pretty sure is where she was this weekend; away at some conference. I guess she's very respected in her area of concentration. One of the very best. She also works in the city, but they wanted a normal life for their kids. So I guess buying the biggest house in Grandview and sending your kids to public school counts as 'normal.' Whatever. The point is, their house is huge and they're almost always gone. Which makes Brinley's house great for parties.

"So did you decide to invite Derek?" She asks me, handing me plastic cups to set out next to the keg.

"Yeah, I did," I tell her as I place them neatly on the table next to it. I follow her into the pool table room and she motions for me to help her lift up the large slab of wood leaning against the wall.

"Here, put this on top of the pool table so we can set up beer pong," She tells me. "So you invited him? That's good, I haven't seen him -- no, wait, a little to the right, -- since like, August. There. Set it down." I do as I'm told and begin setting up cups on the end of the table in triangular formation.

"Yeah, I think he's excited, I don't know. He said he may bring some college friends. I don't know what fun they'll have at a high school party, but whatever."

"We're fucking awesome, are you kidding?" She beams at me while moving into the main room and messing with the stereo system. "Life of the party." She smirks and plugs in her ipod to the dock attached to the stereo. There are six speakers around the room: two that are perched on either side of the entertainment system and the TV, two that lay horizontally higher up on the east and west wall, directly opposite each other, and two that sit on the back wall, high above everything else, giving the room a total surround sound system. The right wall of the room isn't even concrete dry wall; it's simply a wall of windows. The main floor of the house itself doesn't sit on ground level, and so looking out from the window wall, it appears as if you are floating over the scene of the vast winter wonderland. If you stand directly in front of the windows, you actually feel like you're going to just fall right out of them and land in the snow. The floors in the main room are all hardwood - with the exception of her dad's back room, which used to be his office, but Brinley has turned it into a second room for herself. This is also where our lovely friend Maggie decided to throw up at her last party. She couldn't have thrown up on the hardwood floor, where it would be easy to clean up. Typical Maggie, she had to make it as difficult as possible.

The house also sports quite a large finished basement, including a large flat screen television, and L-shaped couch big enough for ten people, and full stocked bar and kitchen area, two guest bedrooms and a bathroom. Brinley treats this as her "VIP" section of the party, and only those who are invited down into Brinley's Alcove can enter. Everyone else is forced to stay upstairs, which isn't a bad set up, either. It makes for some serious drama, with every girl crying to their date because "Brinley's being a bitch again," or "she won't let me into the alcove and now I'm embarrased," but if you're invited into the alcove, none of that matters, because you don't have to deal with any of it.

I always spend the night when Brinley has parties, and I have claimed one of the downstairs rooms as my own. Her parents don't mind, 1.) because they're hardly ever here and 2.) because when they are here, they adore me and basically want me to stay forever. My room has lilac colored comforters, a king sized bed, a flat screen TV, a dresser that is full of a combination of mine and Brinley's clothing, and smells like vanilla and coconut at all times. It's the perfect place to crash after a party.

I help finish setting up with Brinley, lining the house with decorative white lights and setting up food and music and Brinley even wanted to open up the hot tub. I'm sure that someone will get drunk enough to go in it.

At 8:15 we head upstairs to get ready, and I slip into my new outfit of choice, and she into her red dress. I let my hair fall in light waves, not quite curly but not quite straight, and try and line my eyes with as little eyeliner as possible. I put on some bronze eye shadow, sprinkle some body glitter on my chest and lightly on my cheekbones, and take a seat on the bed as I watch Brinley mess with her short brown hair.

"This is fucking stupid," she grumbles as she tries to get her hair to cooperate with her. "Ugh." She tries teasing it again and it ends up slumping in an odd way. "Fuck. Why is it when I'm not going anywhere that I can get my hair to look perfect, but when I want it to look good, it never does?" She huffs again and tries for a third time to get her hair right, but it's not working. "Forget it!" She cries and ends up brushing the front back and pulling it into half up/half down. She secures the back with rubberband and looks pleased as she steps away from the mirror.

"Okay, let's go get drunk and forget about the shitty year it's been."

Niall's POV

I fix my white button down shirt and take a look in the mirror. I look like a fucking idiot. I roll my eyes and rip the buttons open on the shirt, flinging it off of me and onto the ground. I grab a plain white tshirt from the closet and put that on instead. "Much better," I mutter and put on my black skinny jeans with my white hightop converse.

I exit my room and head into the kitchen, cracking open a beer. I glance at the clock: 9:47. I have to get going soon.

"Well don't you look handsome," Connor smirks as he watches me from the table. I shoot him a glance and roll my eyes, regretting it immediately. Shit. I hope he didn't see that. He gets up from his spot at the table and walks over to me. "Okay, Horan. You know what you're doing, yeah?"

"Yes," I gulp and take a huge swig of beer.

"Good," he answers and walks away. My phone begins to buzz and I slyly pull it out of my pocket, without giving Connor a chance to realize it was vibrating. I check the name and hit ignore. I can't talk when I'm around Connor.

"Well?" Connor says and turns around again to look at me. "What the fuck are you waiting for? Go."

I obey him gladly and down the rest of the beer, sliding out the door. "And don't fucking forget to call me, Horan! Or I'll come for you." I hear him yell as I leave the house.

***

Macy's POV

By ten o'clock the party is in full swing. Derek and his friend are playing a game of beer pong against two of the boys in my high school class, and I watched for a while, but got bored and decided to go down to the alcove. I make my way through the crowd of people in the main room, some of whom are stumbling around, some of whom are sloppily kissing another, and some of whom are just plain drunk off of their asses and can't tell which way is up and which way is down. It's only an hour into it, but this is a typical Brinley party.

I, however, have hardly had one drink. When Derek arrived he was already half drunk, as he and his 'friends' pregamed before coming to the actual party. At that point I was so annoyed that I didn't feel like drinking much at all. I'm carrying around my red cup with the Smirnoff Ice in it, but am only taking a little sip at a time. Besides, there's something beautiful about being the only one who isn't drunk or drinking; it allows me to keep my composure, unlike my peers are doing, or if I slip up on my composure, everyone else is too drunk to realize it.

I search the crowd for Brinley and just shake my head when I find her, dancing on her countertop to some Beyonce song that is playing through her iPod. I have to give it to her, though; the girl knows how to move. As I watch the boys next to her start a kegstand, I let out a deep breath. The air still smells like vanilla, but it is now mixed with sweat and alcohol and it's not my favorite combination. I make my way into the alcove and groan when I see one too many people down there. Breathe, Macy. Breathe.

I search for a spot on the couch but there are none, and so I resort to going to collect myself for a bit before the clock strikes midnight. As I walk towards my room I notice my door is shut, and I don't remember shutting it before leaving it earlier today. I close my eyes and huff in frustration, hoping that Brinley shut it and there isn't somebody making out or about to go all the way on my bed. I put my hand on the doorknob and rip the bandaid off, flinging it open all at once. The room is dark, but I don't hear anything. I flick on the light switch to be greeted by a boy I recognize from history class, kissing another boy I don't recognize at all. Their bodies pull apart as I turn the light switch on, and they hurriedly jump off the bed, looking nervous and flushing a bright crimson color.

"Harry, right?" I ask him, trying to help the embarrassment he's feeling.

"Um, yeah," he stutters, still a bright colored red. I stare at the boy next to him, whose crimson color has faded and is now smirking like a child who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"And I'm sorry, I don't think I know you.." I tell the other boy.

"Louis," he smiles and holds out his hand for me to shake. "Is this your bed?" He asks and looks behind him to the purple covered bed.

"That would be mine," I tell him, giving him a soft smile.

"Sorry about this," Harry mumbles and grabs Louis' hand, pulling him out of the doorway hurriedly.

"Nice to meet you.. sort of!" Louis calls as Harry pulls him out of the room.

I giggle to myself as they exit at the way that Harry looked so shy and Louis looked so confident. It was cute, really. Kind of like they were opposites that found each other. Opposites do attract, I suppose.

I turn off my light and flop on my bed, staring up at the empty darkness that is the ceiling, listening to the soft beat of the music coming from upstairs and the chatter of people coming from just outside my room. My Smirnoff is still in my hand, and I take a long drink of it, letting the liquid wash down and course through my veins, making me feel warm in a way that is all too familiar to me. It's an empty warmness, though; a superficial warm. I can't help but long for something more than just this superficial warming feeling; something that warms me to my core, every single day. I haven't felt anything like that since my dad died.

I drink the rest of the Smirnoff and my stomach feels queasy shortly after. Smirnoff is not meant to be chugged. My stomach turns and I can feel the acidity filling my throat. I quickly jump off the bed, into the bathroom, and let the contents of my stomach empty in the white toilet bowl in front of me. Well, at least I made it to the toilet, unlike Maggie.

I swish some water in my mouth and spit it into the sink, washing out the remnants from my mouth. The eyes of the alcove are on me as I leave the bathroom, but I don't really give a shit. Like they've never seen anyone throw up before.

I make my way back into my room and plop on my bed again, startled when the pressure of it feels different. The room is dark and I quickly shoot up, sitting up on the bed.

"Hello?" I ask into the darkness. Nothing. I walk over to the lightswitch and flick it on. 

"Hey," he groans from underneath the comforters of the bed. "Turn that off." He pulls the covers over his head, revealing his tattooed arms. 

"What the fuck," I whisper and run out of the room, up the stairs, back to the party, where Brinley is still dancing on the countertop. 

"Brin," I tug at the bottom of her dress. "Brin!" She looks down at me in a giddily-drunk way. "Brinley, get down here right now." 

Her face falls mockingly serious but she obeys my request. A boy next to the counter holds out his hand for her as she tries to get down off the counter, leaning on it for support when she finally does. 

"Brinley, do you want to tell me why the fuck Niall is asleep in my bed downstairs right now?" 

She doesn't say anything. She just looks at me, almost taken aback at first, and then bursts into a fit of laughter.


	13. Chapter 13

Brinley keeps drunkenly laughing for a while, despite my best attempts of snapping my fingers in front of her face and trying to get her to focus. When she finally calms down, she chokes out "Who's Niall?" and almost falls over trying to reach for a barstool to sit on. I try and lunge forward to catch her, but a cute boy with brown eyes gets to her before I do. He puts his hands on either side of her arms and catches her just before she hits the ground. I look away, embarrassed for myself and Brinley, and help her onto the stool when he lifts her up.

"Thanks," I mutter to the ground.

"It's no problem," he almost whispers and flashes a dazzling smile. The tone of his voice is soft and sweet, caressing every word that comes out of his mouth as smooth and gentle as what I imagine silk to sound like. I feel my cheeks flush and heart race quicken and I immediately look away. He lingers for a minute, probably expecting me to say something else, but I have no words. Eventually he wanders away, back into the sea of people crowding the main room. 

Brinley is sitting on the barstool now with her head place on the counter in her arms. I shake her shoulders and she looks at me with glazed over eyes. 

"Niall." I tell her but she doesn't move. "The boy from the mall? The one I specifically told you NOT to invite to this party?" 

Her expression doesn't change. "What is he doing in my bed?" I ask somewhat angrily, because her incoherent behavior is annoying as hell at a time like this.

"Who's Niall?" She asks again, to which I proceed answering her again. And again, she gives me the same blank stare as before.

"Brinley Rose Bradley, look at me." I demand to her and she does just that. "Now focus." She shakes her head a little in a way that looks like she's trying to literally shake the fuzziness from it, and blinks her eyelids an abnormal amount of times in thirty seconds. She raises her eyebrows a little and widens her eyes and then finally looks at me with some sort of substance behind her eyes. It's only then that I notice the red color that her eyes have adopted. "Brinley, are you okay?" Any substance I had thought was behind her eyes a second ago is now gone, and she is giggilng incesantly again.

"Oh my god, Brinley are you high?"

Her giggling fit stops for five seconds a serious look over takes her face. "Shh," she says and puts a finger to my lips. "Don't say it too loud, or somebody will hear." She looks around in a paranoid fashion and begins giggling again. I roll my eyes, let out an audible groan, and stomp away in the realization that she will be no help to me until morning. How could she invite him? I specifically told her that it wasn't an option. I don't ask for much from her, I just asked for this one thing, and she completely disregarded my feelings entirely.

My chest feels so tight that I could scream, and I'm starting to get claustrophic in this giant house. Making my way to a bathroom, I slam the door shut and lock it behind me. Now I can't even go in my fucking room because Niall, of all people, is passed out in my bed. I groan again.

"Wha.." I hear movement come from the bathtub and am startled to notice a drunken body sprawled out in the tub and a pair of eyes staring lazily at me, beer cans littering the tub. How did I not see the person before?

"Sorry," I mumble and unlock the door and stumble out of the bathroom. There are at least five other rooms in the house that I could find and sleep in tonight, but I want to sleep in my room. It is my room, after all. Why should I let Niall kick me out of it? I decide to go back downstairs and reclaim my room, but as I make my way through the house again, a strong hand grabs one of my arms and whirls me around.

"There you are," Derek smiles at me and leans in to plant a kiss on my lips. When our lips touch, his are not warm and inviting but are cold and lack emotion. I kiss him back anyway and smile at him as well.

"Hey, sorry, I've been kind of AWOL tonight."

"That's okay baby. Great party, huh? Did you see Brinley over there?" He laughs and points in her general direction. "She's so gone, it's hilarious."

"Yeah, I saw her," I fake laugh. "It's pretty funny." Even though it isn't. I'm honestly annoyed that Brinley was so wasted at her own party. Actually, I'm annoyed at all of these people that are hanging around here.

"Come on," he prompts me and pulls my hands towards the main room. "Let's dance."

I don't really feel like dancing and I honestly just want to get downstairs, kick Niall out, and stay down there until midnight and ring in the New Year while listening to music and writing, but I know that that's 'frowned upon' by the general population (to spend New Year's alone, that is), and so I go with Derek to dance, against my own will to do otherwise.

Some crazy techno-y song is playing through the speakers, and Derek tries his best to get himself and I in a dancing rhythm. But, when you're not in the mood for dancing, it shows, and I'm not in the mood for dancing. So, we dance awkwardly at different paces and different rhythms and eventually I almost give up entirely, but a slow song comes on and he pulls me close to him with both hands on my waist.

I wrap my arms around his neck and we sway to a voice that I recognize but a song that I don't, and I make a mental note to look it up later, because it's actually very good.

....I never thought that I had any more to give. Pushing me so far, here I am without you. Drink, to all that we have lost, mistakes we have made. Everything will change, but love remains the same...

"Do you know how much I love you?" Derek mumbles into my ear, his breath close to my neck.

"Yeah," I tell him as we continue to sway.

"Good. And you love me too, right?"

"I love you, too."

"Good."

The song ends and one of Derek's friends comes up to us as Derek is pulling away from me.

"Dude, you have to come see this. Aaron bet some guy a hundred bucks that he wouldn't draw a penis on his chest, strip down naked and run down the street shouting "I'M A VIRGIN" at the top of his lungs - and he's going to do it. You have to see this dude." Derek slaps his friend on the back, laughing, and looks at me. "I'll be right back!" He plants a kiss on my forehead and runs off to see the idiocy that is my generation.

"I hate people," I mutter to myself and take a seat on the couch, waiting for Derek to return. Within ten minutes I watch as three drinks are spilled, two people fall, and six girls start to cry. When it hits the ten minute mark and Derek still isn't back, I decide to go back to the basement and check if Niall is still in my bed.

The couch on the basement has emptied out; there is one couple making out on it, but that's it. I tip toe past them and push my door open, not caring if I wake up Niall. I flip on the light switch expecting to see the blonde-haired boy, but my bed is empty. The lilac comforters are perfectly made, and it looks like nobody ever slept in it. But I'm not crazy. I know somebody did. I peek outside and check the couch to see if he was on there and I missed him, or if he is one of the two people making out, but he isn't. Where the hell did he go? I know he was here.

I shut my light off and go on a one woman hunt to find him, for the sole purpose of kicking him out. I don't want him lingering around this party. I search the whole house, sifting through faces upon faces and bodies upon bodies, looking for those blue eyes and tattooed arms, but nobody here is meeting the image I have in my head. I come across the cute boy from earlier again, just briefly, and he tries to stop me and make conversation. "You look like you're on a mission," he remarks to me in the nicest way possible.

"I am," I retort, trying not to sound too mean and pasting a smile on my face. I keep walking past him, searching and searching, but still coming up short.

"Babe!" The voice halts my search and I turn around to see Derek coming towards me. "Hey! It's almost midnight, come on." He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the living room, where someone has put Times Square on the big screen. The crowd of people in the room chant the countdown, and when it hits 0, a flurry of shouts and clapping and drinks go around and Derek kisses me passionately on the lips. "Happy New Year," he says into the kiss and I smile at him.

"Happy New Year, Der. I'm glad I get to spend another year with you." He smiles at me and pulls me in for a hug.

"First beer pong of the year!" Somebody shouts from across the room and Derek yells out, "I'm in!" He looks at me then, asking me to come watch him play.

"Sure," I tell him, "but I need to get some air first." We part ways again and I step outside onto the front porch of the house, away from the music, the people, and the alcohol. I have no idea where Niall went, but he defintely isn't here anymore. I scan the front for his car, but it's so dark out that it's impossible to tell the different cars. I stand huddled in my coat out on the porch, staring out into the twinkling sky. "I know you're watching me, Dad." I whisper to the stars. "And I know you're watching Jace. Keep him safe, please. I can't stand to lose another person." A tear falls from my eye but I quickly catch it and swipe it away. The aching starts to set into my chest again, so I close my eyes. Whenever I start to feel the pain set in, I close my eyes and count to ten, taking in deep breaths as I go, and it helps. So I do just that, and the pain slowly dissipates, back into the deep and dusty corners of my heart. 

7.....8.....9.....10.

After 10 I open my eyes, and the pain has subsided. Relieved, I turn around to go in the house again. I shouldn't be surprised when Niall stands in the doorway, seemingly watching me. I wonder how long he was standing there?

"What are you doing out here?" He asks, eyeing me up and down. He lingers a little too long on my legs and I shift uncomfortably.

"I needed some air," I tell him. "Why are you here at all?"

"My brother invited me," He states calmly.

"Oh, your brother, huh?"

"Yeah, that's what I said."

I let out a fake laugh. "Right. So you're not stalking me, right?"

His eyes shift and he looks puzzled. "...Stalking you?" He runs a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, you show up at my grocery store, the mall where I'm at, and now here?"

"Erm.. I'm not 'stalking you'" he says, putting air quotes around the words. "I'm new to town.. the grocery store was the closest one to home.. I needed some new shoes at the mall.. and my brother really did invite me to this party. I didn't know you were going to be here."

My cheeks start to flush and I begin to feel embarrassed. But, no. He is stalking me. Right? "Well.. you knew we were having this party, though. At the mall.. you.."

"You guys made it pretty clear that I wasn't invited," he interjects. "I wouldn't have come if I knew it was the same party."

"But.. you were in my bed, too. Are you saying that was just a coincidence too?" I don't like where this conversation is going, I don't want to be made out to be crazy.

"There's no such thing as coincidences, but I'm definitely not stalking you."

"Introduce me to your brother," I demand childishly.

"What?"

"I.. I want to meet your brother."

"You don't believe me, do you?" 

I look at the ground before answering, because I can't make eye contact with him. He is following me, I'm sure of it. He does not have a brother here.

"Just.. introduce me to your brother, please."

He lets out a small laugh and shakes his head slightly. "Unbelievable. Come on then, follow me. I'll prove to you I am not a creepy stalker."

I follow him into the house and the warm air hits me hard and smoothly as I enter again. I hadn't realized how cold it was. We weave in and out of faces and people and finally stop at a small crowd of people huddled together. Niall taps someone on the shoulder and the boy turns around. I roll my eyes at the irony of the situation I am in right now. Niall is lying, I know he is. There is no way that the cute boy who helped me with Brinley eariler is Niall's brother. No. No way.

"Liam," Niall states when the boy turns around. "When was I born?"

"Uh, what?" Liam asks him and looks around him at me, recognizing me. I look away shyly, because this is not looking good for me.

"When was I born? Just answer the question."

"Erm, September 13th, 1993..." Liam answers without difficulty.

"What's my middle name?"

"James.."

"How old was I when I fell off my bike and broke my arm?"

"Three..."

"And how old were you?"

"Six."

"Why did mom cry at my tenth birthday party?"

"Because she thought you were growing up too fast.. Niall what the hell is this?"

"Are you my brother?" Niall asks and looks back at me with a smirk on his face.

"Of course you idiot. What is going on right now?" Liam looks at me and then at Niall and I stare at the ground. I feel so stupid.

"Thanks, bro. I'll see you at home." And with that Niall turns around and faces me. "See? I told you. I'm not stalking you. Now how do I know that you're not stalking me?" 

My face must be a deep shade of crimson by now. "I'm not," I choke out. "I swear." He is making me feel like I'm the creepy and twisted one of the two of us.

"I'm just messing." He laughs. "I don't think you're stalking me. I'm not that self absorbed."

Ouch. That dig hurt. He walks past me and I follow him, simplyl because he is infuriating me right now. "How do I know that you're not lying about those things?" I ask from behind him.

"You can't be serious," he jokes. "You're not really that crazy, are you?"

"Don't call me crazy."

"Okay, crazy."

"I'm serious. Don't call me crazy."

"Whoa, calm down there, killer." He smiles. "Betcha thought I was gonna call you crazy again didn't you?"

"I did, yeah." I half smile back.

"Want anything to drink?" He asks me. I hadn't even noticed we ended up back at the kitchen near the keg. I scan for Brinley but she is nowhere to be found.

"No, I'm good."

"Not drinking tonight?" He asks curiously.

"Nah, not really. I don't like to drink all that often."

He narrows his eyes at me. "Erm, that's not what the missing bottle of vodka from Jace's drawer says."

My heart pangs at the sound of Jace's name, but I ignore it. "Yeah, well, that's a special circumstance. Usually I'm not like that."

"Well I am," he states and pours a beer from the keg. "Beer is my favorite food group."

I let out a small laugh. 

"That's a strange sound," he comments.

"What is?"

"That laugh."

"Thanks, asshole."

"No, not your laugh itself. But hearing it. You're only ever scolding me or glaring at me. Which, by the way, confuses me. Why do you do that?"

"What.."

He interrupts. "Everytime you see me, you look like you're scared of me. Like I'm going to do something awful to you. And you are rude to me."

"I'm rude to you? You're the rude one! Whenever you were with," I almost say my brother's name but I can't seem to do it, "with my brother, you were so creepy. So.. repulsive."

"Well, that's a strong word." He starts to walk again and I follow. "That's just bro talk, you know?"

He turns to me when I don't say anything. "No.. I don't know. I'm a girl."

"Touche." He smiles. "It's just how guys act around one another. They try to act tough."

"That's acting tough?" I tease. "You need some lesson then. Because that is not tough. That is just douche-y."

"Again with the strong words."

"I guess the truth hurts. And what about Connor? What's up with him? And why does Jace.." I stop myself before I say anything else. I don't know if I should mention Jace to him or tell him that Jace is afraid of them.

He continues walking and starts heading down towards the basement, but I stop at the stairs. "I don't really wanna go down there." With you. I mentally add.

"Okay, well I am. If you wanna know about Connor, you know where to find me." He heads down the stairs and his offer is almost tempting. I linger for a minute and a pair of arms wraps around me.

"Hey, are you headed down there?" Derek whispers into my ear.

"No, I was just.."

"Come on, babe. Let's go down to your room." He starts planting light kisses on my neck and moving his hands down my body.

"Derek.."

"Come on, love. Let's go down there." He tries to move past me but I put a hand on his chest and halt him from going downstairs. My curiously has gotten the best of me and I want to know more about Connor now, but I can't do that with Derek down there, especially if he wants to mess around. 

"You know, I'm really tired," I lie. "I'm just gonna crash, okay?" I give him a kiss on the cheek. "I love you, I'll call you in the morning." I turn and trot down the stairs and don't look back at Derek. He mumbles something indecipherable and I'm sure it wasn't very nice.

I just want to know more about my brother's life, and it seems like Niall is the way to do just that. Maybe I can finally figure out who Connor is, or even more, maybe I'll be able to figure out where Jace went.


	14. Chapter 14

I get down the stairs and look around the dark and now smokey room. Apparently people aren't aware of how disgusting and rude it is to smoke inside the house. I cover my nose as I walk through the small space, looking for the only reason I came down here in the first place. When I don't see Niall on the couch or in the kitchen area, I check the bathroom. A small knock on the door recieves no answer from the otherside, and I sigh, trying to think where else he could be.

A tiny stream of light flows from underneath my bedroom door, and I immediately know who is in there. "Fucking Niall," I mutter and walk towards my room, pushing the door open gently. Niall lays sprawled out across my bed, face down, and eyes closed.

"That's my bed," I state from the door way. A small noise comes from the back of his throat to acknowledge my presence, but he doesn't move. "Um.." I walk over to the bed and sit on the edge of it. He moves slightly, picking up his head to look at me.

"I'm tired," he tells me.

"There's a lovely couch right out there," I point to the doorway, trying to keep the annoyed tone out of my voice.

"Your bed's more comfortable," he smiles.

"I know, it's my bed."

"I could do without the purple blanket though."

"Yeah. So.. can we talk about Connor?" I pick at the fabric of the comforter awkwardly. Niall sits up and scoots to head of the bed, resting his back against the pillows and the wall, stretching out his legs across the length of the bed, almost to where I sit. 

"I have one condition," he states playfully. 

"Okay.." I state hesitantly. This could literally be anything. 

"I get to sleep in your bed tonight." 

Of all the things he could have proposed, that's what he chooses? I'm relieved that it wasn't something like asking me to talk to Connor myself or tell him about Jace.

"Deal." I tell him. I'll just sleep on the couch out there, or find one of Brinley's extra rooms to crash in.

"Seriously?" His tone sounds surprised, probably at how well I accepted his proposition. But honestly, I'm too tired to negotiate and I just want to know about Connor. Any other night on any other subject and I would have said no fucking way.

"Yep. But I want to know everything you know about Connor." I pause to think for a second. "And Jace." I add.

"Jace, huh?"

I turn around on the bed and sit cross legged right at the edge, facing Niall. "Yes. Jace too."

"How about this," he begins and adjusts himself slightly on the bed. "You ask me whatever you want and I will answer truthfully."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" My mind races with questions that I could potentially ask him, finally finding out answers to my thoughts. Finally piecing together the fragments in my brain.

"I think so," he says with a smile. "Or how about we play a 20 questions type game? That's your limit, you get 20 questions."

"No, or you don't get to sleep in my bed tonight."

"I think you want answers more than I want to sleep in this bed, although it is very comfortable. But I'm giving you 20 questions or none at all. If you don't want that, I can find a different place to sleep and you won't have any answers at all."

I stare at him in my best scowl, but he doesn't even change facial expressions. He's right, I want answers more than anything, and I don't want him to go sleep in another bed because I want those answers. Shit.

"20 questions." I repeat to him and he nods. "Do I get time to think?" I ask him.

"Nope. First questions that come to your mind." 

"But that's not fair," I protest. "I have a lot in my head."

"First thing to come to mind or none at all." 

At this moment I think I hate him a little more than usual. "Fine." I grumble.

"You have ten minutes," he tells me and checks his watch.

"What? Now you're timing me?" 

"Yeah. I don't want you sitting down here and stalling trying to think of questions, and I'm tired as shit. Ten minutes, starting... now." He checks his watch again and I immediately start asking questions. 

"Who is Connor?"

"My boss." 

"Is he Jace's boss?"

"Yes." 

"So you two work together?"

"Sort of." He scratches his head and looks at his phone.

"Sort of?" 

"Mhmm." 

"So what do the two of you do?"

"Can't say." 

"But you said you'd answer truthfully." I protest to his refusal.

"I am answering honestly. I honestly can't say what we do." 

"Why? Will Connor be mad?"

"Because I just can't, and yes he will. That counts as two questions, by the way."

"What am I at so far?"

"Seven, and that was eight." The devious smirk he is so well known for grows across his face and I just want to smack him.

"Where is Jace?" The words come out like word vomit and I want to push them back in. I don't know if I want to know if he knows where Jace is. What if he does? What if he's known the whole time? Or what if he doesn't, and nobody knows where my brother is? I wait anxiously for his answer.

"I don't know." He tells me, glancing at his phone again.

"Does Connor know?"

"No."

"Why is Jace scared of you?" Again, word vomit. I don't know if I was supposed to ask this or if I was supposed to let on that Jace is scared of them, but fuck it. That question has been burning in my mind for days now and Jace left, which means he forfeited his right to privacy on the matter.

"He's not. Five minutes, by the way." 

I try and calculate in my head how many questions I've asked so I don't lose another one by asking him that. "Okay. So he's not scared of you?"

"No."

"Is he scared of Connor?" 

"Possibly." 

"Taking that as a yes," I tell him annoyedly.

"Take it as you will." He checks his phone for a third time.

"Why do you keep checking your phone?" 

"I'm waiting on a call." 

"Who?" 

"My girlfriend." He smiles.

"You have a girlfriend?"

"I do."

I don't know why, but this comes as a surprise to me. I didn't expect Niall to be the type to have a girlfriend, let alone sit here and wait for her to call. His phone starts to ring and he jumps off the bed. "Pause our game." He says. "I'll be right back."

He doesn't answer the phone until he leaves the room. I consider following him and listening to his conversation, but decide against it. I don't know him that well and listening in on a phone call with his girlfriend would be extremely awkward. He returns a few minutes later and resumes his position on the bed.

"Okay. Three minutes."

"Why is Jace scared of Connor?"

"We all are."

"All?"

"Yep. All."

"There's more of you?"

He laughs. "You say that like we're a breed or a different species."

"How many are there?"

"A few."

"What do you all do?"

"Oooh. Sorry, but you're out of time and out of questions. Better luck next time," he smirks.

"What? There's no way --"

"Yes. You are. Now shoo, I'm tired as fuck and even more so now thanks to your exhausting questions."

I open my mouth to protest but I have nothing to say. I have a million things up in my head right now and nothing is coming out. I want to cuss him out and tell him that he's a prick, but he did just answer some of my questions for me. None of it was really conclusive, but he did. I guess I just didn't ask very good questions.

"Don't do anything gross," I mutter and stand from the bed.

"Should've thought about that before you told me I could sleep here. I sleep naked."

I stare at him expecting him to follow that comment up with a laugh or a 'just kidding', but he doesn't. His face is straight and I immediately know he's not kidding.

"No, no way. You're not sleeping my bed naked. Fuck no."

"We had a deal." He smiles in the creepy way that sends shivers down my spine. "Have fun on the couch."

I stare at him for a minute and when I don't move, he starts to get off the bed and undress. "Unless you want to see my naked.. I suggest you get out, princess."

"Don't call me princess, asshole." I shuffle out of the room and groan when I hear the door shut. So. Gross.

An idea pushes its way through my mind and I smile to myself at the genius level of it. Taking the steps upstairs two at a time, I make my way around the house, searching for Derek. I come across Brinley and she seems to be somewhat out of her previous plastered state. "Seen Derek?"

She sits on the couch, slumped over, half asleep. She raises her arm and points in the general direction of the beerpong room. I walk over only to find him passed out on the floor next to the table, gripping a cup in one of his hands.

"Derek," I shake his shoulders and his eyelids peel open slowly. "Derek, please. Come downstairs."

"Go away, Macy." He mumbles. "I'm tired as fuck and I thought you went to bed already."

"There's a naked guy in my bed," I tell him and his eyes shoot open.

"Fuck that," I hear him mumble and he gets up off the floor. I stand up straight and smile to myself as he angrily makes his way towards the basement.


	15. Chapter 15

Derek whips my bedroom door as I follow closely behind, trying to watch over his shoulder so I can see Niall's reaction when Derek bursts into the room and rips the blanket off of him, exposing him and then throwing him out of my room. 

I grin as Derek stomps over to the bed and pulls the covers off of him, staying behind to flip the lightswitch on in the room. The fabric of the blanket is bunched in Derek's hand, and I'm expecting to see a naked Niall asleep in the bed. But he's not naked. He's fully clothed. His eyes fly open in a half-weary state and he shoots up in the bed. 

"What the hell's goin on?" He asks, looking from Derek to me and then at Derek again.

Derek turns around at me furiously. "Macy I thought you said there was a naked guy in your bed?"

Both of their eyes are on me and I feel my cheeks grow red with embarrassment. "You called your boyfriend on me?" Niall smirks from his spot on the bed. "Look, bud," his eyes are on Derek now, but Derek's are still on me. "Hello?" He calls from the bed and Derek turns to look at him.

"I'm obviously very much not naked and I would appreciate a little privacy to get some sleep." 

"Sorry," Derek mutters and throws the blanket back on the bed. Beginning to turn around towards me, he stops himself and looks at Niall again. "Wait. What are you doing in Macy's bed?"

"We made a deal." Niall states calmly and curls into the bed, bringing the blanket over his body and burying his face in it. "Hit the lights on the way out, will ya?" He mumbles through the blanket. 

I stand in the doorway while Derek walks past me, shutting the door after shooting an unnoticed glance towards Niall. I see a small smile creep on his face from the dim light shining through the doorway, and I know he's happy to have made me look like a fool. 

"Derek.." I start to say, trying to explain what just happened. He looks at me with soft eyes and a small smile. "I'm so sorry, I really thought that he was sleeping naked in my bed, and that freaked me out!"

"it's okay. Even if he was, I don't know what I would've done. Whatever, I'm tired. Can we go to bed now?"

"Yeah.." I reply. "You go to bed. I think there's a spare room somewhere in this house. I think I'm gonna go home, though." 

"Home?" He asks, stepping towards me. "Baby, it's almost 2:30. Don't go home, come sleep with me."

I know I should have jumped at the chance, that I should have wanted to sleep in the bed with Derek, but all I could think about was Jace, and everything Niall told me tonight. Sleeping here doesn't exactly sound probable, and I think I just need to be home. My body is a mess of emotions and I just need to be alone to sort through them.

"It's okay, it's not a long walk. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll call you in the morning." I give him a quick peck on the cheek and make my way up the stairs of the basement. 

***

I make it back to my house fine. Derek didn't try to stop me after I started up the stairs. The wind was brutal and the snow was fucking cold as shit, but I made it home in one piece, and so I guess that's all I can ask for. 

On the walk home I genuinely contemplated laying down in the blankets of snow covering the ground and just laying there, letting the falling ice crystals layer my body until I was one with the snow. I also thought about running out into one of the busier streets and throwing myself in front of a moving vehicle, but I deemed that to be a little more dramatic than the first scenario. Instead of going through with either idea, I kept trecking through the snow at 2:30 am until I reached my front door. 

The night wasn't a bust, but it wasn't what I was hoping for either. I was hoping the party would be a way to get my mind off of Jace, but instead, here I am, sitting in my room alone, thinking about nothing but Jace. Everything Niall told me tonight is replaying in my head, and I am kicking myself for not asking better questions. I didn't get anything substantial out of him. I could have asked him anything, anything at all, and I blew it. I blew the one chance I had at getting the answers I've been so desperately craving. 

I don't feel very drunk, I didn't have very much to drink, and I don't feel like drinking to escape my emotions tonight. Instead, I decide to take a shower, letting the coldness of the winter air wash off my body and letting the raw heat of the water replace it. 

I step out of the shower and try to avoid looking in the mirror; I feel like shit and I'm pretty sure I look like shit. But, it proves to be inevitable, as the mirror covers almost the entire opposite side of my bathroom wall. 

I'd always wanted to be one of those girls who stepped out of the shower looking better than they did when they had finished getting ready: glistening skin, soft complexion, perfectly waved hair that fell at just the right length and angle; but I wasn't. My skin didn't ever glisten, the water droplets just clung to it dryly; my complexion was never soft, but portrayed by a red nose, red cheeks, and blemishes; and my hair never fell right. Instead, it looked stringy and dull. I close my eyes as I brush out my hair, not wanting to look in the mirror at the person I didn't want to see. I brush my teeth after drying my hair slightly with my towel, walk into Jace's room, and grab one of his old tshirts. 

Pulling on a pair of leggings as well, I slip my hand under my matress and pull out the ratty journal that is practically falling apart. The red leather cover is cracked and bent and the spine of it is barely holding together, but it's still functional. My pencil holds my place in it and I open up to the most recent page, careful not to let the plethora of random pages that have been stuck in there throughout the years fall out. 

January 1st, 2013  
Sometimes I think feeling dead inside  
is better than feeling anything at all.  
Because for every one minute of happiness,  
comes ten minutes of saddness.  
And it's just not worth it.  
We're just living to die. That's all this is.  
And I wonder if anybody can tell,   
that when I look in the mirror, I'm nothing but a shell.  
I wonder what I look like to people   
who don't know, that I'm nothing but a body  
because I'm dead inside.

I scribble at the paper some more, scratching out words and phrases and writing things that have meaning to me but none to anyone else, until it is filled with my meaningless thoughts. I flip the page to continue writing. 

It's always the good who...

Ping.

I lift my head from my paper and look around the room. I swear I heard something. The door is shut, the window is shut, everyone is asleep. I sit in silence for a moment, waiting for the noise to come again, and when it doesn't, I resume my writing. 

...break into tiny pieces, trying to save...

A loud bell sound rings through the house, causing me to jump in my bed and my heart rate to quicken. It takes me a minute before I recognize the sound of doorbell, and my heart starts to race even faster. I glance at the clock, which reads 2:47 am. Who the hell is ringing the doorbell at almost 3 am? I hear my mother's door open from the hallway and i crack my door just a bit. She notices me, gives me an odd and confused look, but ends up just shaking her head and walking towards the stairs. 

I open the door and follow at a distance behind her, watching over the banister as she opens the front door, letting the cold air rush into the house. 

I stand against the railing, praying to God that it's not the police, coming to tell my family that they've found Jace's body on the side of the road, or in a field or something. Surprise, relief, and confusion wash over my body when my mom opens the door to its entirety, revealing the tattooed blonde boy, who I thought I left behind at Brinley's house. 

"Hi Mrs. Stone.." he starts. Mrs. Stone? Since when does Niall have manners? "Is Macy here?" He asks her, looking around the house from his position outside the door. He notices me standing at the top of the stairs and I simply stand there. My mom turns around to look at me, then looks back to Niall. 

"I'm sorry.. your name is..?" 

"Niall. It's Niall." 

"Right, Niall... it's 3 o'clock in the morning, dear. I know it's New Year's, but I enjoy my sleep. Also, I have an 8 year old daughter upstairs asleep as well. Ringing the doorbell at 3 am isn't something that will make me want to let you in my house to speak to my daughter." 

"I'm sorry it's so late, ma'am." Ma'am? "Really sorry." He turns his attention back to me at that point. "Macy? Can we talk?" 

What the fuck? I rub my eyes and try to focus on the what's going on right now. My hair is wet, I look like a mess, I have no make up on, and it's 3 o'clock in the morning, and Niall is here wanting to talk. I wrinkle my eyebrows slightly as he looks up at me, pleading evident in his gaze. 

There is only one thing that I can think of that would bring him here, right now. The only thing the two of us have in common. My stupid, runaway brother. 

"Mom.." I croak out and start to make my way down the steps, stopping when I realize that I look like a homeless person. Oh, what the hell do I care what he thinks? I don't. 

I meet them at the doorway, hugging my body tightly to warm it up from the chill of the air. "Yeah, come in." I tell him and he starts to make his way in the house.

"Mace, it's.." my mother starts to argue.

"It's okay, mom. It won't be long," I shoot a glance at Niall. "Right, Niall?"

"Not long at all." He confirms. She eyes both of us questioningly as Niall continues to make his way into the house.

"I'm sorry," she suddenly blurts out. "I'm not okay with this. You need to go home, Niall. My daughter is not going to have a mysterious rendevous in my home at 3 am under my nose without my supervision."

"Mom!" I try and protest.

"Macy, don't." She presses. "I'm serious. Go home, Niall. Macy, go back to bed. We can talk in the morning." 

I expect her to walk up the stairs at that point, but she stands in the foyer, waiting for both of us to part and go our separate ways. She watches Niall intently as he back tracks awkwardly, muttering a series of apologies, and disappears into the sparkling night. She shuts the door and shoos me up the stairs, ignoring the huffs and groans that are coming from me. 

"Not under my roof," she states just before entering her room and falling back into her slumber. 

I fall back on my bed in frustration. The curiosity of what Niall wanted to talk about is eating away at me as I sit in the darkness, the only illumination in the room is that of the moonlight coming through the window. Maybe I can just text him and see what he wanted to talk about. I pull out my phone, sending him a message. 

2:53am Macy  
What did you want?

2:54am Niall  
Go downstairs

My heart races at the anticipation of the situation, and I slowly open my door, careful not to make any noise. The floor creaks under my feet as I walk slowly to the stairs, and I cringe with every step, hoping my mother won't open her door and catch me. 

2:56am Macy  
Ok. Downstairs.

2:58am Niall  
Back door

I head into the kitchen and, sure enough, there Niall stands, shivering by the back patio, snow falling over his hair. I slowly and gently unlock the door, slowly cracking it open, and let him in the house, completely disobeying my mother as my curisoity about Niall gets the best of me. 

"It's about Jace." I state as he enters the house. I know it is. I can feel it.

"Is there a place we can talk?" He asks, whispering and looking towards the stairs. 

I motion upstairs, and he follows, gently tip-toeing up the stairs and into my bedroom. I take a seat on my bed, and he takes a seat at my desk chair, swiveling around in it a few times before finally facing me. 

"How did you know I came home?" I ask him, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. 

"I could hear you and Derek talking outside of your room. You weren't trying very hard to be quiet. I also heard him let you go home alone at 2:30 in the morning. Who does that? I had to follow you home to make sure you got home okay, because he obviously didn't care."

"Be nice!" I scold him. "He cares. Just.. whatever. Why did you care anyway?"

"Your Jace's sister."

"Yeah, so?"

"Jace and I were close." He states. 

"Were?" I repeat, hoping I heard him wrong. 

"I mean, are. I don't know. That's what I came to talk to you about." 

I wait in silence for him to continue. "Have you heard from him?" He whispers into the dark. 

I sit for a moment, letting my chest loosen before answering the question I had hoped he wouldn't ask. "No." I tell him. "I was hoping you had." 

"I was hoping you had," he tells me in a voice so low that it's barely audible. 

"Do you think he's dead?" I ask him in the same tone of voice.

"I don't know." He answers honestly. "I hope not, but I don't know."


	16. Chapter 16

"Me too," I state quietly. "He texted me a few days ago." I admit to Niall. This isn't the most sincere form of communication, but it is something. It came from Jace's phone, so in order to keep my sanity, I have to think that it was him. 

"What did he say?" 

"He said he was okay, and not to worry. That was it." 

"How nice of him," Niall states sarcastically and looks out the window. 

"It's something," I remind him. I hadn't realized how close Niall and Jace are. If I'm not mistaken, Niall actually looks like he's got some sort of heart. He looks.. sad. I find myself wanting to comfort him, because I can't stand how beat up he looks. This tough guy, who I actually used to be afraid of, looks sad. And is coming to my room to talk to me about it in the middle of the night. 

"Where do you think he is?" He asks me, still looking out the window. 

"I don't know," I tell him honestly. "If I had any clue, I would have looked there already. But I really have no idea."

More silence follows my comment, and I take this time to analyze him for the first time since I met him. Really analyze him. He may be sort of a freak, but he is good looking. I can't deny that. I admire the tattoos on his arms that used to scare me. It seems silly that they ever did. There are a few large ones on his arms, but the remainder of his skin is covered in mostly small tattoos that I can't decipher. They must have some meaning to him, because they truly make no sense to the blind eye. 

"What's that?" He asks, lifting a lazy finger to the journal on my bed. 

"That? Oh it's nothing," I say, grabbing the journal and sticking it behind me and out of his gaze. My hair has started to dry a little as well, and I tuck the loose strands behind my ears, trying not to think of what I look like at this moment. I'm sure it's horrendous. 

More silence fills the room and I find myself wondering what he's thinking. 

"Does your mom know?" He asks suddenly. 

I don't say anything to this question, which causes him to look away from the window and at me. I stare down at my lap to avoid his questioning gaze. He gets up from the chair, taking a seat next to me on the bed. He reaches his hand out and places it underneath my chin, gently lifting it up, forcing me to make eye contact with him. "Does she?" He presses. 

I shake my head slightly, moving out of his touch and glancing away. 

"She should know," he whispers.

"It will crush her. I can't tell her yet." I state. 

"Still.. it's her son. She should know that.."

"Stop it." I turn towards him with burning eyes. "Stop. You don't know anything. Ever since.." I stop myself and look away from him again. "I know what I'm doing." I clench my jaw and try my best not to say anything else. 

"Ever since what?" He asks. 

This is so strange. When did Niall start having a heart and actually caring about me?

"Why are you here?" I answer his quesiton with another one. 

"I already told you, I followed you to make sure you got home okay. And I wanted to know about Jace."

"So why didn't you just ask me when we were downstairs earlier at Brinley's? Why did you have to follow me home to ask me that?" 

"Would you honestly have talked to me about Jace at Brinley's?" He challenges.

"Yeah." I lie. 

"Right," he states sarcastically. 

"Is that all you wanted?" I ask him, annoyed. "Just to come here and ask if I knew anything about Jace? Because I don't. So if that's all you needed, you can go." 

"That's not all I wanted.." He answers.

"Okay, then what?" 

He looks at me for a long minute before slightly shaking his head. "Nevermind," he brushes off. "That is all I wanted. I should have known you wouldn't know anything." He gets up and heads towards the door. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" I try and angry-whisper.

He turns to me. "You didn't know anything about Jace when he was actually here, so I don't know why I thought you would know something when he's not here."

His words sting like venom and I try to keep calm. "I know plenty about Jace." I spit at him. 

"Keep telling yourself that, princess." And just like that, the chilling smile is back, and so is the asshole Niall that I'm so used to. 

"I told you not to call me princess. It's been nice chatting with you, now do me a favor, and don't come to my door at 3 am anymore." 

"You can count on that." He states, walking out of the door. He stops just before heading downstairs and turns to me for one last time. "Oh, and I forgot you prefer to be called crazy. Goodnight, crazy." 

Before I have time to retaliate and fire a comeback at him, he bounds down the steps, two at a time, not even bothering to try and keep quiet like he did before. I hear the back door open and shut, and I let out a large huff, simultaneously praying that he didn't wake up my mom. I wait for a minute or two, and when her door doesn't open, I feel confident in the fact that she didn't wake up. 

I slide back into bed, dissatisfied with the fact that I let Niall into my room tonight. He's good at weaseling himself into things, that's for sure. I don't know how he does it, but he weasels his way into places that aren't meant for him and make them seem like they were. If it were anybody else who possessed this talent I would find it humorous, but coming from him, it's just annoying. He keeps showing up at places that I don't want him in and it's frustrating and annoying. 

The exhaustion from the day finally seems to be catching up with me, and I find myself drifting off into a sleep that is anything but peaceful. 

I wake at 6:37 in a cold sweat, my hair clinging to my face, and my blankets on the floor, along with my pillows. I don't remember much of the nightmare, but I remember enough. 

The scene was that of my father's funeral. The faces were the same, the room was the same, and even the outfits were the same. My mother stood holding Stella in her arms, greeting family and friends as they entered the room to pay their respects. I watched as body after body went up to the casket to say their goodbyes, and I found that even in my dream I was looking around for Jace to be there. He still wasn't. I felt sad, angry, and betrayed - much like I truly had at my father's real funeral. I walked up to the casket at the front of the room, and when I turned around, all eyes were on me. Nobody said a word, all bodies ceased from entering the room, and they were all sitting down, the entire room filled, just staring at me. I saw Niall sitting in the front row, and when I turned back around to the casket, the body inside was staring back at me. 

The same green eyes that my father had were piercing me, but it wasn't my father laying in the casket; it was Jace. His eyes were open, staring back at me, and the words "Help me," escaped his lips. Then I woke up. 

I stare at the ceiling to try and collect my surroundings for a minute. I had never had that nightmare before. The image of Jace laying in the casket is engraved into my mind, and I am sure that that image will haunt me for the rest of my life. 

I take out my phone after a few minutes to send out my daily text to Jace, in the slight hopes that he'll answer me again. I try and fall back asleep after that, but it's not use. Every time I close my eyes I see Jace in that casket, and every time it gets more and more morbid and unsettling. So I stop trying. 

Instead, I get up and find a season of Grey's Anatomy to put on to get my mind off of things. I decide on season 5 and get through about three episodes before I deem it late enough to wake Derek up with a phone call. I really want to talk to someone about my nightmare, but I don't want it to be my mom. I don't know what she would think of it. 

The phone only rings twice before he groggily answers. "Hello?" 

"It's me," I say, just as groggily. 

"Hey baby." 

"Are you up?" I ask innocently.

"Yeah, I was just getting up." 

"Can you come over?" 

"Right now?" He asks wearily. "It's only... 9:46? Just let me sleep a little more." 

"I really need to talk to you, though." 

"I'll come over later, okay? It can wait, can't it? I'm so tired." 

You mean hungover, I mentally correct him. "Yeah.. no, I guess it can wait." 

"Awesome," he answers with a yawn. "I'll call you when I wake up." 

And so I'm left to my thoughts to myself for even longer. Maybe if I call Brinley, she'll wake up and come over. I try her cell phone. It rings a few times, and then goes straight to voicemail. Her phone probably died at some point last night, which means she's probably still passed out somewhere in her house. I try her house phone, too. 

"Bradley residence," a voice answers, and it's not Brinley's. 

"Um.. who's speaking?" I ask. I vaguely recognize the voice over the line. 

"Uh.. Liam," the voice answers. "Can I ask who this is?" 

The name Liam rings a bell, but I can't quite place it. "This is Macy," I tell him. "Is Brinley there?" 

"Macy," he repeats, as if the name registers in his mind as well, but he can't place it either. "I, uh, I haven't seen her. I'm sorry," he says sincerely.

"That's okay. Can I ask why you're answering her house phone?" 

"I'm the only one up over here," he laughs. "I don't know, probably a pretty bad idea, huh?" 

"Yeah, you're just lucky I wasn't her mom or dad."

"I guess I am." He states. I hear him cover the speaker slightly and just barely hear him yell "Niall, get your shit and let's get out of here!" 

"Oh," I say as his name finally registers with a face. "You're Niall's brother." 

"That would be me," he answers. "Well, I've gotta go. If I see Brinley before I go, I'll tell her you called."

"Okay, thanks." 

"See you, Macy." 

He hangs up the phone and I pull it away from my ear. So Niall went back to the party after he came over here? Why wouldn't he have just gone home? Is his home around here? I wonder where he lives. Talking to Derek about my nightmare is going to be just as tough as talking to my mom about it. Derek doesn't know that Jace ranaway, and now that I think about it, neither does Brinley. The only person who knows is Niall. 

I contemplate for a second on calling up Niall to talk to him about it, but quickly dismiss the idea. He's the last person I want to open up to about Jace. 

Right?


	17. Chapter 17

I quickly dismiss the thought of calling up Niall to talk to him about my nightmare. If last night had taught me anything, it was that Niall was not the person to talk to about anything. Just when I thought I was starting to see a sort of different side to him, he proved me wrong. I should have known, honestly. 

As I continue to lay in bed, i decide I don't really want to talk to anybody about my nightmare anymore. I don't think it would do any good. Nobody would really understand, and it has only happened once. It's not like it's a recurring nightmare. It only happened once and it's most likely not going to happen again. 

But what did it mean? The way that it was Jace laying in the casket had to be symbolic of something. I refuse to think that it means Jace is dead somewhere, all alone, where nobody knows. Jace and I have this weird twin connection, too, and if Jace was dead, I would know. I can't explain how, but I would just know. He's not dead. The casket had to represent something else. And why was Niall there? It had to be because I had just seen him, and so he manifested in my dream. Or was there something symbolic about Niall being there as well? 

Did Niall have something to do with Jace's disappearance? Jace disappeared right after Niall and Connor came looking for him... Connor. I need to find Connor. The only way to understand where Jace might be is to understand the person he is running from. Maybe the casket was a representation of what would happen if Connor found Jace. Just the thought makes me shiver. Or maybe it is symbolic of the restraints around Jace in his life now involving whatever the hell he does with Connor and Niall. 

I can't believe I almost opened up to Niall. How could I have forgotten that he is a part of all of this? He seemed so concerned last night, he almost fooled me. Hell, he did fool me at the time. I bet Niall doesn't give two shits about where Jace is. 

But then why is he always asking me if I have heard from him or not? This whole thing is making my head hurt, and it's way too early in the morning for me to think about this any longer. 

I get up out of my bed and take a look in the mirror. My hair is a matted mess, curling out of control all over from the contact with my pillow all night. My face looks a little sunken and completely exhausted. I guess another shower would do me good. 

A knock on the door prevents me from getting in the shower, just as I am about to close the bathroom door. "Mace?"

I poke my head out from the bathroom wearing just a towel. "Yeah?"

"Is everything alright?" My mom asks, stepping further into my room. She looks around as if she is searching for something discretely. 

"Yeah... is everything alright with you?" I ask her, noticing the way she is still glancing around the room. It takes her a minute to respond. 

"Me? Yes. Yeah. Everything is great." She looks at me and doesn't seem to care that she has interrupted my shower. 

"Okay... so what's up?" I ask. 

"Well, you know, your friend came to the door last night and.." I stop her before she can finish.

"He's not my friend, mom." 

"Right, well, Jace's friend. Whoever he is, Mace, I don't want people coming around here at 3 in the morning. We've got Stella here, you know. Don't forget that she's just a child. She doesn't need..."

"I know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I swear. It was a weird occurence. You know me, mom."

"I know. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page." 

"Yep," I reply curtly. The thought of sneaking Niall into the house last night haunts me. 

"Okay, well I'm going to be downstairs making breakfast. Come down when you're done with your shower." She takes one last glance around the room and then walks out, leaving me to my own mind. 

When I get out of the shower I see I have two missed calls from Derek. I hope he's forgotten that I told him I needed to talk to him earlier. 

***

Niall's POV

The morning comes way too soon. I look at the clock. Connor will be up soon, and I haven't made the coffee yet. If he gets up and there's no coffee... 

I shake the thought from my head and lazily get out of bed. The last guy who forgot to make the coffee in the morning ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes, and I'll be damned if I let Connor get to me like that. Plus, now that Jace took off, I have to make his breakfast too. Fucking Jace. 

As I head down stairs I pass Liam's room and knock loudly to wake him up. If he doesn't get Connor's laundry out he'll end up like the guy who forgot the coffee. I can't remember his name, though. It's weird. Me and the guys are stuck in this place together, and yet I can't seem to remember the damn guy's name. I guess he wasn't that important. Connor certainly didn't think so. 

I scan across the hallway to make sure the other doors are still shut. Nathan won't be up for a while, and Harley had business to deal with last night, so he's sleeping in today. The double doors at the end of the hall are closed shut, and I am thankful that Connor is still asleep. I have to collect my thoughts after last night before I give him an update. 

Liam's door opens and he shuffles out all weary-eyed and bed-headed. He's in nothing but plaid pajama shorts. 

"Liam," I snap at him. 

He looks at me groggily, seemingly trying to focus on me and his surroundings. I gesture to his bare torso and his eyes widen immediately, understanding my signal. He darts back into his room and reappears wearing a plain white shirt to cover his body. Connor would have lost his shit if Liam came out with no shirt on. 

As I get the coffee pot ready, I try and remember all of last night. It's mostly a blur. I can't remember much. 

"So that was her?" Liam asks as he folds the laundry from the dryer. 

"Huh?" He snaps me out of my thoughts. 

"Last night, that was Macy?" 

"Yeah.. yeah." I answer still have asleep and in my own world. 

"She's cute," he mentions.

"I guess," I remark. I want to change the subject.

"Does she have a boyfriend?" Liam asks from the laundry room. 

"She's fucking Jace's sister, you prick. Don't lay a hand on her. And yes, she has a boyfriend." 

"Whoa, easy there killer. I was just wondering. I think somebody has a crush," he provokes. 

"Fuck off," I mutter. I don't know where that burst of protective behavior came from. Fuck. 

"Have you talked to mom at all lately?" Liam almost whispers, probably to make sure Connor doesn't hear. 

"No, I haven't." I snap. "I don't want to talk about mom." 

"Why not?" Another voice comes from the top of the stairs and I turn around to see Connor eavesdropping. 

Fucking great. How much did he hear? 

"Come on, Niall." Connor provokes. "Why don't you want to talk about that selfish, money-loving, can't-keep-a-husband-to-save-her-life, bitch?" 

"Don't talk about her like that." I say through gritted teeth. Liam stays quiet. 

Connor walks down the stairs and closer to me. For a second I daydream about throwing the steaming hot cup of coffee on his face and watching him writhe in pain. "What are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna deny the truth? She never loved you," He pokes my chest. I clench my jaw and try my best to keep my mouth shut. "And she never loved you." He turns and points to Liam, who is doing his best to continue folding laundry and not get in the middle. 

"She never loved any of us, idiot." He turns back to me. "All she ever loved was her newest boyfriend and her designer clothes. That's all she ever cared about." 

"She loved all of us," I try and defend. 

"Right. That's why she kicked me out when I was 18, right?" Connor presses. 

"Well if you hadn't of gotten into that fight with Max and almost killed him, she wouldn't have had to." My mouth drops as I watch Liam from the laundry room. The words came from him but his composure never changed. He continues folding laundry. Connor's laundry. 

"And she loved you the least, you pussy." Connor spits at Liam. "Keep folding that laundry like a little bitch." 

Liam doesn't even flinch. He just keeps folding the laundry. 

"Where the fuck is my breakfast," Connor mumbles as he walks away and makes his way to the table. 

Liam was always the good brother. I always liked Liam. Connor was a different story. Connor was the brother from hell, the true spawn of satan. He wasn't even my real brother. He was adopted. My mom thought that she was infertile for years, and so she adopted Connor when he was five. And then, a year later, she "was blessed with a miracle" as she says, and got pregnant with Liam. Three years after that, I was born. All three of us have different dads, though. 

"So what happened last night? With the sister?" Connor asks as he sits at the table. 

"Nothing, really." I lie. I don't want to tell Connor that I went to Macy's house last night. 

"Liam?" He asks to get affirmation that what I'm saying is true. 

"I mean, she was at the party." Liam says. 

"Yeah, and she and I talked for a little bit." I tell him. I need to give him his fill of information. If I give him enough, he won't ask any more questions. 

"About what?" 

"I found out a little about her family, sort of. And she wanted to know a lot about you, but I tried to divert her as much as possible."

"Yeah, yeah, that's great and all but did you find out anything about Jace? I want to know where that little bastard.."

"No." I reply curtly. "She knows just as much as we do."

"Fuck," he mumbles. "Liam, did you find anything out about Jace?" 

"If anybody had found anything out about him, it would have been Niall." Liam ssays. 

Connor looks back to me. "Is that so?" 

"I guess. I'm working on it." 

"Good. Well, keep working." 

"Right." I reply, turning around towards the counter. What the fuck am I doing? 

"Well what the hell are you doing standing here still? Go get your ass ready and start working. Liam - finish my breakfast so Niall can start his work." 

Neither Liam nor I say a word as he takes my place at the counter and I head upstairs to take a shower before staring in on my day of work.


	18. Chapter 18

"I'm on my way over," Derek tells me as I clear my plate in the sink. 

"Mm," I hum into the reciever. "See you soon." 

I hang up the phone and drop it onto the counter. Derek didn't mention anything about what I wanted to talk to him about earlier, and I'm thankful. I don't think I want to talk to him about it anymore. I just don't want to talk about it anymore in general. 

I place my hands on either side of the sink and close my eyes, taking in a long, deep breath. What day is it again? Holy shit. It's January 1st already. 

Maybe 2013 will be the year of change. Maybe Jace will come home, we can forget about Niall and Connor and all of the other demons that haunt our family, and we can finally live in peace.

Ha. Right.

Even if Niall and Connor disappeared, Jace would still be a lost soul. Niall and Connor didn't create that; they just played into it. 

The doorbell rings, snapping me out of my thoughts. I let out a deep breath and go to open the door for Derek. 

I walk through the front office and notice a black Range Rover parked outside of the house. 

"No," I mumble to myself in disbelief. "For the love of God, please no." 

My fears are confirmed when I open the door to see not my boyfriend, but the tattooed blonde boy who I have grown to loathe. 

"What do you want?" I groan at him, only opening the door halfway.

"Good morning to you too, princess." 

"I've told you six thousand times - don't call me that." I say rolling my eyes at his unimagineable annoying personality. 

"I left my phone here in our... rendevous last night." A small smile forms on his lips and the thought makes me sick. 

"Rendevous? Don't call it that, it makes it sound dirty." 

"Well it was, wasn't it?" His eyes glitter with a playfulness that I can't stand. 

"It was anything but that. I shouldn't have even let you in..."

"You don't remember?" His face lights up as he tries to stifle a laugh. "Wow, you seriously don't remember. Ha!"

"Remember what?" I ask him, confused. Nothing happened last night. He turned into the asshole he's always been and then he left. 

"You called me after I left," he starts. "I'm sorry, can I come in? It's cold as fuck out here and this story deserves to be told comfortably." 

My mind races as I try and remember everything of last night. I'm positive nothing else happened. He left and I went to sleep. "You're bullshitting me," I tell him. "And no, you can't come in." 

"I can prove it," He says with a wicked smile. 

My heart starts to beat rapidly and I can feel my cheeks light up with fire. I scan him carefully, watching his demeanor, but he doesn't falter. He's lying though. Nothing happened. 

Right?

I think about everything that happened last night. I was at Brinley's.. and I hardly had anything to drink. I remember everything clear as day. I walked home, took a shower, Niall came over, we talked, he was an asshole, he left, I went to bed, and woke up to a nightmare. That's it. That's all that happened. What proof could he have?

"You have no proof of anything," I call him out. 

"Wanna bet?" His eyes are shining with an amusement that is only funny to one of us. The humming of an engine sounds from just down the street and as if this situation couldn't get any worse, Derek's car turns onto my street. I groan as he pulls up behind Niall's car, my eyes flickering back and forth between the boy standing in front of me and the boy making is way out of his car. 

"If you say anything to him I will murder you," I threaten him through gritted teeth. 

He flashes the crooked smile that sends a chill down my spine. I never noticed how blue his eyes were. 

"Invite me in and my lips are sealed," he negotiates. Like hell am I letting him in. 

Derek is getting closer and I'm running out of time. "Not a chance." 

Without hesitation he turns around to face Derek, who is now coming up the front steps. "Hey, Derek, right?"

Derek flashes his eyes to me and I keep my head slightly down. 

"Yeah," Derek says coldly. 

Niall looks over his shoulder and looks at me like his prey. His prey he's ready to pounce on and devour. 

"Man, I've got a story for you. Remember last night at the party?"

Derek tries to register in his mind who is standing in front of him and my demeanor is starting to shake. Niall wouldn't say anything to Derek, because nothing happened. He wouldn't do that. 

"Remember when Macy left the party to go back home?" 

Derek is stopped on the steps and is staring at me, then at Niall, then at me again. His eyes lock on mine as Niall continues to speak. "Yeah."

"See after she left, I..."

I can't take a chance with this. Niall isn't letting up and if Derek thinks anything happened between him and I...

"He brought me my purse," I interrupt Niall and he turns around, smiling. "Yeah, I left it at the party. Niall, uh, he went back into my room and found it, and so that's what he's doing now, is bringing me my purse." 

Derek eyes me and then Niall and looks at Niall's empty hands. Shit. My stomach flips and my cheeks are burning, my eyes threatening to erupt into a stream of tears at any minute. I know what question is coming.

"So where is it?" Derek asks me. 

"No, it's just.. inside. And Niall was just leaving," I manage to get out. Niall shoots me a glare and opens his mouth, turning back to Derek. "Except his left his phone!" I blurt out before Niall can say anything else to him to make the situation worse. "So he has to come back in." I mumble and open the door completely.

Niall turns to Derek, shrugging, and walks into the house. Derek stays on the steps. 

"So that's it?" He asks and I know he doesn't believe the story. He may be wrapped up in his frat boy lifestyle, but he's not stupid. 

"Yeah," I lie, moving a little closer to him. He takes a step down. 

"What is it?" I ask, trying to seem innocent. I really don't think anything happened last night but the way Niall is acting, I can't be sure. He can't be that good of a liar. And I've been so out of it lately...

"Why is it that every time I'm around you now, he's there?" He asks, pointing an accusing finger at Niall.

"I'm wondering the same thing," I mumble under my breath. "He just.. he's Jace's friend and I.." I want to finish my thought and tell him that he's the only one who knows Jace has runaway but I can't. That's something so deep and personal and raw that I can't just tell it to him on the front porch of my house, especially when my own mother doesn't know. 

"And you what?" He prompts me. 

"And I'm helping him. He's a lost soul, Derek. He's got no friends, no money, a dead end job, it's embarrassing, really... his life is pretty pathetic and I'm just trying to help," I lie. Part of me wants Derek just to try to understand by creating a lie, and part of me wants to get back at NIall for, once again, manipulating his way into my life. 

"Why do you have to do that?" Derek asks, his eyes taunting me. 

"Do what?" 

"Why do you always have to help everyone?"

"I.." I have no words for him. 

"I mean, it's great and all, but what about me, Mace? Have you completely forgotten about me? You're too busy with all your projects and side projects and side projects of side projects to even see me anymore. I'm standing right here and yet, where are you?"

"I'm right here, too. I'm here, I just.. I like helping people, and things, and I dont understand why that's a bad thing." I challenge him. 

"It's too much! You can't save everyone, or everything, for that matter. He's just another project, Mace. Don't you get that? What about me? I'm not supposed to be a project, I'm supposed to be more than that to you."

He always did know how to whine like a girl and make me feel absolutely awful about myself. 

"So you're mad at me for trying to help someone? Is that what this is?" 

"No.. I'm just, I want to know that you still care about me." 

"What?" I don't know how this conversation about Niall turned into Derek wondering if I still care about him or not.

"You've been so distant lately and I can't be sure if you even care," he mutters. 

"Have I done anything to show you that I don't?" I ask.

"No." He answers without missing a beat. "But you haven't done anything to show me you do."

I let his words sink into me and twist in my stomach in a way that makes me sick. He has no idea. He doesn't get it because HE is the one who doesn't care. 

"Well fucking forgive me, Der, if I have other things to worry about at the moment. I've got a lot on my mind, okay? I can't be everything for you all the time. It's physically impossible." 

"No, but you can be everything for everyone else." 

I huff in frustration and raise my voice. "Well if that's how you feel, then what the hell are you still doing here? If I'm not doing a good enough job for you, why are you here?"

"That's something I've been asking myself for the last two years." He responds.

My stomach drops and the world in front of me goes black and white all at once. The tears that were threatening me before have betrayed me and my face is now soaked, my heart heavier than I can take. "What does that mean?" I ask him through tear-stained cheeks and a broken heart. 

"Come on, Mace, you can't honestly say we've been happy." He challenges me, never faltering. I think that's what makes it hurt worse. He looks fine. 

"You were just trying to get in my pants last night!" I shout at him, not caring who hears. 

His face flushes and he looks around and looks behind me. "Uh, hi, Mrs. Stone." 

If my stomach wasn't already on the floor, it definitely was now. 

"Hi Derek," I hear her voice but don't turn around. "It's pretty cold out there, and I don't want Stel to catch a cold. Maybe you should come back another time?" She offers him in the nicest way possible. I want to scream at him to never come back, but I keep quiet and watch him walk down the steps and into his car. My face is hot and freezing at the same time, and I feel frozen in place until my mother comes out to coax me inside. 

"Come on sweetie," she purrs putting both hands on my shoulders, leading me into the house. I move my feet but don't register anything that's going on. I can feel the warmth hit me when the door closes behind me, and the minute I do, I pick my heart up off the floor, and lift my chin up. I'll be damned if I'm going to cry over somebody who thinks that my helping people is a flaw of mine. My daddy taught me better than that. 

No matter how badly my chest hurts, how much my stomach is turning, how weak my knees feel, and how heavy my eyes feel, I will not cry for him. I will not give him that gratification. I am better than that. 

I've had enough trauma in my life to know when to really cry, and this is not one of those times. I will not run upstairs and hide under the covers. I will not shower four times a day to hide my tears. I will not cry myself into an oblivion. I did that when my father died, and this does not constitute the same emotion. No boy is worth that. Only my father. 

This is not real pain. Real pain is finding out the man who put you to bed at night is never coming home. Real pain is finding out that the person who's lap you sat on and who gave you butterfly kisses is never going to do any of that again. Real pain is seeing your father lying in a casket and then watching him be put in the ground. 

Pain caused by love is not real pain. I'm stronger than that. 

My mother had led me into the family room and I am now sitting on the couch. With all the Derek drama, I had forgotten that I let Niall in the house. Oddly, he's sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, holding a coffee mug, watching Stella as she colors in her coloring book. 

Either my mind is playing tricks on me or.. no, there is no or. My mind must be playing tricks on me. 

He looks up at me and I look away automatically. I don't want anyone to say anything to me about what just happened. He gets up from the chair and walks over to me, sitting down on the couch next to me. "I think I left my phone upstairs," he says quietly. 

Like a robot, I get up and walk up the stairs with him trailing behind me. 

I open my door and let him in, not caring any more. He can look for his phone himself. He walks over to the desk he was sitting by last night and grabs a phone off of it that I swear wasn't there when I woke up. But who knows. 

"You know.." he starts and I put my hand up to stop him from saying anything, but he doesn't listen to my gesture. "I'm not pathetic. That's not what you really think of me, is it?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I ask in a monotone voice.

"What you said to Derek, about me having no friends, no money, being pathetic.. is that what you think?" He asks, almost looking hurt.

"Yeah, kind of." I tell him harshly. 

His eyes fall and look down at his feet. "Are you really trying to help me?" 

"Jesus Christ, how much of that conversation did you hear?" I ask, annoyed. 

"All of it. I was standing right in ear shot." 

"Perfect." I snort. "No, I'm not trying to help you. You just keep showing up and I didn't know what else to tell him, and I thought that was the most believable. Why would I want to help you? Do you even need help?"

"More than you know," he whispers and shakes his head. "What did he mean you can't save everything or everyone?" 

I roll my eyes and sit on the bed. "I don't want to talk about it," I tell him. 

"Are you sure?" He asks, moving closer. "I'll only listen, I swear." 

"I don't want to talk about him, especially to you." 

He takes a step back and I watch his expression falter for a brief second, and then quickly come back into place. "Okay, I can take a hint." He starts to walk out of the room. "And hey, nothing else happened last night. I was just messing with you to try and play around, but.. I think you've had enough shit for one day. Sorry." He leaves the room and I hop off the bed.

"Are you shitting me?" I shout at him. He stops in his tracks. "You seriously had me thinking something more happened between us. What the hell! Who does that? You.. You.. You're a liar! A lying, manipulative bastard, that's what you are. Jesus Christ." I throw my hands up in the air in defeat and look up to the sky. "Got anymore shit for me today, God? Anymore assholes coming to ruin my day?" 

I look back at Niall who is standing awkwardly in the hall. He whispers, looking around the hall and then at me, "I don't think God answers prayers with swear words in them." 

I look around the hall for an object to throw at him, but all I see are pictures, and he's not worth any of the pictures on the wall. 

"Get. Out." I say through gritted teeth. 

He swiftly nods his head and turns to walk down the stairs. "Point taken," I hear him mutter. "Princess doesn't like sarcasm." 

"Don't call me that!" I shout at him as he glides down stairs. 

He stops at the bottom and turns to me. "He's an ass, for the record. Don't listen to a word he says. I think you're..." he stops himself and clears his throat. "If you wanna talk, you know where to find me." 

I watch as his disappears around the corner and don't move from my spot until I hear his car start and head down the street. 

"Well, that was not what I expected," I mutter to myself. I turn around to go back to my room and find my mother standing in my doorway, teary eyed. 

"Mom?" I ask panicked. "What's the matter?" 

She looks at me but says nothing. She holds up my phone and reveals to me the text messages exchanged between Jace and I. 

My eyes widen and my heart drops all the way down to hell. 

"Mom, he's just.. he'll be back.. he's.." I can't find the words to help her.

After minutes of silence, the words she finally speaks slice through me like glass. "When were you going to tell me, and how could you do this to our family?"


	19. Chapter 19

The past twenty-four hours have been the second most tear filled, heartbreaking, and destroying hours of my life. The look on my mom's face when she found the messages from Jace is a sight that I'll never get out of my head. Her eyes were glossed with a teary layer, making them shine in the most devastating way. Behind the mask of tears in her eyes, I could feel the disappointment and hurt radiating through the air as thick as molasses. An icicle went through my chest in that moment, making my blood run cold and my body go numb. 

"Why did you do this?" She asked.

"How could he do this to our family?" She questioned.

"Where was I when he needed me?" She cried. 

"Please tell me where he is," She begged. 

"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I can't." I sobbed. 

"If your father was here right now, none of this would be happening," She wept. 

"I know," I whispered. "If daddy were here, lots of things wouldn't have happened." 

She stood there for a while after that. She didn't say anything, she stopped crying. She just stood there, and empty look lacing her dark blue eyes. 

"Go," she whispered. 

"Mommy, please, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. I was so scared," I started to cry again. "Please don't make me leave." I moved closer to her and began to sob. "Please mom, don't make me go." I buried my face into her shirt and wrapped my arms around her as she stood there like a lifeless zombie. 

I cried and cried until I finally felt the warmth of her arms wrap around my body. The security I felt when she finally latched her arms around me was the best feeling I had ever experienced. I felt her sigh and her body relax against mine. 

"Shh," she cooed. "It's okay. It's okay, honey. We can figure this out. We'll figure it out together. Okay? Shh. It's okay. Hey," She took a small step back from me and lifted my chin up. "I love you, okay? It's okay, we're going to get through this." She pulled me in closer than ever then, and we stood there until my eyes grew almost swollen from crying so much. "Go rest. I need to figure some things out," She finally told me, and so I did. Or I tried to. 

I've been in my room going on 15 hours now, drifting in and out of sleep, in and out of consciousness. I'm not hungry, or tired, or motivated in any way, shape, or form to get out of this bed. Nothing and no one will make me. 

"Macy?" My mom knocks gently on my door and pokes her head in. I guess I stand corrected. 

I groan, and answer her. "Yeah?" 

"Could you come downstairs please?" 

I poke my head out from under my covers and look at her. Her eyes a laced with red and dark bags are weighing heavily underneath her eyes. "Mom. Have you slept?"

She blinks rapidly as if to wipe the exhaustion from her eyes and tries to stifle a yawn that involuntarily escapes her lips. She shakes her head, but not in response to my question. It looks more like she's shaking it to rid the sleep deprivation from her mind as well. "Just come downstairs, please." She shuts the door and I swing my legs over the bed, taking a look in the mirror before leaving the room. I'm an absolute mess. I try and tame my hair with a ponytail and give up when it still looks matted and dirty. I wipe the leftover mascara from underneath my eyes and pinch my cheeks to give my face some sort of color instead of the pale sheen of a piece of paper. 

"Mom?" I call as I head down the stairs.

"In here, Mace. In the office." She responds back. 

I follow her voice into the office to find her seated behind the computer, intrigued by whatever is on the screen in front of her. "Do you have Facebook?" She asks and I nod, hesitantly walking over. "Log in." She instructs and so I do without question. 

"Jace is on here, right?" 

"What do you mean 'on here'? Like right now? No, probably not. I.."

"No, Macy, not right now. I mean is he on the thing at all? Does he have one?" She hasn't looked directly at me and I'm a little thankful. If I had to look at the tiredness in her eyes my heart would ache even more. 

"Oh. Yeah, yeah, he has one. Here." I type in his name and click on his profile. I haven't been on my Facebook in so long, it looks almost as foreign to me as it does to my mom. Jace's profile picture is one I don't recognize. His eyes are alight with life, shining through the picture and capitvating me. His messy brown hair is tousled in just the right way, and a plain white tshirt clings to his torso. He's wearing the half smile that I always loved so much.

It took me a second to realize he wasn't the only one in the picture: his arm is slung around somebody and my bones rattle upon seeing who it is. 

"Macy, isn't that.." My mom starts, but I stop her before she finishes. 

"Yep. That's Niall." I let out a deep sigh and wonder what the hell Jace's life was all about. What wasn't he telling me?

The day he brought Niall home he stood at the front door and made it very clear to me that Niall was no friend of his. And yet, here they are, in this picture together, looking like two best friends who have known each other for years. They don't look fierce, or scary, and Jace doesn't look the least bit scared of him like he had told me he was. 

A memory pushes itself to the front of my mind from the first day that Jace brought home Niall. How well do you know your brother? He had asked me, and I detected a sense of bullshit behind his words. But maybe he wasn't bullshitting me after all. What if Jace's life was nothing like he had told me it was? What if Jace was the one who was lying to me the entire time, and Niall was trying to tell me the truth that Jace couldn't. How well did I know my brother? 

I gently take the mouse from my mom's hand and scroll down Jace's page. 

Jace liked Niall Horan's photo. 

Jace commented on Niall Horan's status. 

Jace liked Niall Horan's status. 

Jace commented on Connor Weston's status. 

As soon as I see Connor's name, I click the link to take me to his profile. His profile picture is nothing like what Jace's is; Connor's is a picture of himself in boxing gear, red gloves brought up slightly in front of his face. He is shirtless, showing off his husky and tattoo-free torso. The picture looks like it was taken inside the boxing ring. 

The privacy setting Connor has on his profile prohibits me from seeing anything except his profile picture. "Dammit," I mutter under my breath. I go back to Jace's profile and click the lastest of his activity on his page, from about two days before he took off. 

The activity was a comment on Niall's photo, a picture of Niall with some girl with artificially colored caramel hair. Niall has an arm slung around her waist, and she's looking at him with a gaze so happy that I could puke. Her perfect Coach purse is hung over her should and I wish I could track down this girl and hit her upside the head with it. This must be his girlfriend. 

I quickly exit out of the picture and turn back to my mom. "It's a dead end. There's nothing here," I sigh. "Just some old activity of pointless things." I remember the profile picture. "Although that profile picture was new to me," I mumble more annoyed than I should be. 

"Well," she sighs, exasperated. "That was Niall in it, was it not?" 

"Yeah, but I don't think that.." 

"We should invite him over to dinner." 

"What?" 

"Dinner. You know, spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, final meal of the day?" I roll my eyes at her but immediately regret it. 

"I know what you said, mom, but I don't think that's a good idea. He's.. he's.."

"He's what?" 

I try to think of the right word to describe him and it takes a minute before I can. "He's... eccentric, mom. Weird. A freak. Not normal." 

"Clearly he was," she corrects herself. "Is, friends with Jace. I think it would be beneficial to get to know him, don't you think?"

"No, I don't think." my voice is starting to raise along with my blood pressure. "Because he's just as messed up in the head as Jace is and talking to Niall is like talking to a child who never gives you a straight answer and manipulates you into answering his own questions and.. and he won't be any help because like I said he's not normal." I let out a breath that I hadn't been aware I was holding. 

"You don't seem to be giving him a fair chance. He seemed normal and perfectly fine when he was here today." She retorts, and I have to take a deep breath and a few steps away from her to control myself. 

"He doesn't deserve a fair chance! He's the reason Jace is missing. Or at least that's what I thought," I shake my head. "I don't know anymore, mom! But I know he's no good. I do know that much. He's not a good person. He's a manipulator and a liar and for all I know he could be hiding Jace himself and we would never know! He's no good, mom. And inviting him to dinner will not: A.) make him a better person, or B.) give us any insight as to where Jace is. I promise you that." 

She stands up out of the computer chair and straightens out her shirt, an eerily calm look on her face. The scary calm. The calm that should be feared by all man kind. I hold my breath and wait for her response. 

"Macy Reagan," Oh no. She used my middle name. I try to keep my posture as straight as possible and my composure together as best as I can. "Take out your phone, and invite Niall to dinner."

"But mom.."

She puts up a hand to stop me, and so I stop. "Do it right now. I don't want to hear another word about it."

She walks past me without another word and out into the living room, leaving me standing in the office with steam coming out of my ears. 

The last thing I want is for him to be here and eat dinner with us. That's the last thing he wants, I'm sure. Jesus, how awkward! For the love of God. What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, my mom wants to try and get to the bottom of where Jace may be and she thinks that you can help us, even though I know you won't because you're a recluse and shady as fuck. Come by for some spaghetti though and maybe we can all talk like one big happy fucking family'? For Christ's sake, mom. 

The image of Niall with that dumb caramel hair colored girl flashes in my mind and I laugh to myself. She's so stupid. 

I take out my phone and put in Niall's name, pulling up the short string of messages we've exchanged as of late. The devil on my shoulder tells me to call Niall instead of sending him a text message. Maybe his girlfriend will be there and she'll freak out. I smile to myself and decide to call instead. 

"Yeah?" He answers, polite as usual.

"'Hey Macy,'" I mock him. "'What's up?'"

I can literally see his eyes rolling on the other end. "I'm a little busy so, what is up, Macy?" 

I let out an audible breath and pause for a minute, just for dramatic effect. "Do you miss me already?" He asks matter of factly. I stick my tongue out at the phone even though he can't see me. 

"Hardly. Mom knows about Jace," I inform him. 

"Okay." Is all he says. "And that involves me?"

"She knows you two were... friends, I think, and wants you over for dinner." 

I wait patiently for him to say no way, not a chance, fuck that shit, I'm out. 

"What time?" is what I hear back through the line. 

Oh dammit. "I, uh.." I put my hand over the speaker of the phone. "Mom!" I call to her. "What time!" 

"7," she answers back and I repeat the information to Niall.

"Uh, yeah, I can, uh.." I hear a girl giggling in the background followed by a shushing from Niall. I can hear the smile on his lips. "Yeah. 7. Okay." More giggling and I even hear a small shriek of laughter. 

"Okay, I'll tell h.." But the line goes silent before I can even finish my sentence. Jesus Christ. He's such an asshole. 

"He's coming at 7." I mumble angrily to my mom as I walk past the couch. 

"Who's coming!" Stella shrieks from the kitchen table. 

"Niall. Remember Jace's friend? The one with the.."

"Yeah! The one who helped me color yesterday! Oh I love him. I'm so excited!" She cries and I silently curse him for tainting my baby sister. 

"Thank you, Macy," my mom calls as I saunter up the stairs again. 

A low grumble and door slam is how I respond. 

My chest is beating rapidly and my hands are sweating profusely. The adrenaline in my body is working in high gear and I bury my face into my pillow and let out a high pitched, throat irritating, scream that lasts until I literally cannot produce any more sound. 

"Go to hell!" I shout into my pillow and bite down. "Go to hell!" I shout again, not sure who I'm even upset with. I take the stupid little plastic panda bear that Derek brought back for me from his trip to California because he said it reminded him of me and I chuck it across the room and into the bathroom. I hear it land with a thud but I don't think it broke.

The picture of him and I is staring at me from my nightstand and I reach over and smack it so it lands face down on the table. I don't want to look at his stupid face. Everything is stupid. Derek. Jace. Niall. My mom. School. College. Life. It's all idiotic and pointless and only causes more stress in my life.

Stupid Niall coming over for dinner. Stupid Jace running away from home. Stupid Derek being an asshole and dumping me. Stupid mom for going through my phone.

Now I know where Jace must've been coming from. If I had the chance, I'd runaway too.


	20. Chapter 20

The clock says 7:02 and my mind keeps telling me that I should lock the front door, the windows, and any other entrance into the house. Of course Niall is late. Why wouldn't he be? 

"He's not coming, Mom," I try and tell her. Her expression never wavers. She continues to stir the pot of red spaghetti sauce, taking the spoon out every so often to taste it. I lean impatiently against the counter and tap my fingers from left to right repeatedly. Stella is sitting at the kitchen table, engrossed in another one of her coloring books. Her small hand grasps a green crayon and she scribbles systematically at the picture. I can't make out what it is from where I stand.

"What are you coloring, Stel?" I ask as I try and peer over the counter at the table. 

She keeps coloring and answers, "I'm making a picture for that guy!"

The expression on my face falls blank as I hope that she doesn't mean Niall. There's a small, minuscule chance that she doesn't. "Who?" I ask her, crossing my fingers in a superstitious attempt to sway her answer. 

"Uh.. the blonde one with the drawings on his arms," She replies steadily. 

"Sweetheart, his name is Niall," My mother calls from her stance by the stove. I hadn't realized she was listening. She adds, "Macy, please go and get changed. We're having a guest and the least you could do is put on proper clothes."

I look down at my yoga pants and zip up, rolling my eyes. 

"Don't roll your eyes, either. Now go on, go get changed." 

Dammit. She always knows everything. How does she do that? I wonder if the ability to always know everything is a super power that all Moms inherit upon giving birth as I saunter up the stairs, completely unurgent in my quest to search for "proper clothing." 

As I sift through my closet I decide to let my clothes reflect my mood, which is sour and irritated. Nothing has gone right in the last few days. I instinctively check my phone to see if there are any calls or texts from Derek, and my heart hurts and my head fills with a string of angry and offensive sentences when there is nothing. To top it off, there is nothing from Jace either. I try not to think about what that might mean. I hate everything.

I go into Jace's room through the bathroom and pick out a plain black tshirt. His clothes always fit so well on me because he's not a very big guy. He hardly worked out, or that I knew of, and his natural body size was average. Plus, he never liked wearing his shirts too big. So I pull on the black shirt, and it fits just right on me, not too big and not too small, either. 

I try and pair the shirt with leggings, but the colors of black don't match. "So stupid," I mutter to myself as I angrily pull down the leggings. Black is black. How can the colors not match? 

The doorbell rings and my body goes rigid, cringing as I hear my Mom walk towards the door and open it up. I peek out of the window and see a black Range Rover in the driveway. I feel like crawling into a ball, laying in the corner, and staying there until I die. Even if that is unrealistic, the last thing I want to do is go downstairs with him, after being humiliated in front of him and then feeling the sting of his stupid, awful personality. 

I read the book Pride and Prejudice once for school, and through most of the novel, the author talks about how people are seen how they want to be seen, or how people only see in people what they are looking for. I am almost sure, though, that Niall is not choosing to be seen in a rude manner, and I'm even more positive that even if I tried looking for the good in him, hardly anything would come up. 

I sit on my bed in just the black shirt and my underwear for what seems like forever. Trying to get the energy to get up, put pants on, and actually go downstairs seems nearly impossible. 

I decide with a final sense of clarity that I will let my mood dictate everything about my appearance. I find the black skinny jeans that I haven't worn in years, and they're a little tight - too tight for my liking - but they're the only other black pants that I own. Also, the colors don't quite match between the black on the shirt and the black of the pants, but it somehow works. I find my darkest eyeliner and the smoky eyeshadow stick that I bought from the drugstore a while back, and smooth it over both my eyelids, smudging and blending and giving me and all around practically goth look. I put mascara on and leave off the blush, because I'm not feeling very blushy right now, and put my hair up into a sockbun because I definitely don't want it in my face. When I look in the mirror, I look simply ridiculous, but I don't care. I don't care what Niall thinks of me, and I hope I provide some sort of shock factor to my mother. 

I exit my room just as she is calling my name from downstairs. 

"Coming," I mutter even though it was too soft for her to hear. I can't decide if the way I've decided to dress has put me in a better mood or has further dragged it downward, but it's too late to change now. I pad lightly down the steps and linger on the second step from the bottom, listening to the conversation taking place in the kitchen.

"What do you do for a living, Niall?" My mother asks. This should be good. 

"I'm sort of a businessman," he remarks. I can practically hear the smirk on his face. 

"You mean you're studying business at school?" 

"Yeah, something like that." He answers her. That seems to have satisfied her curiosity, but it sure as hell doesn't even begin to satisfy mine. No way he's in school. 

Stella sees me from the kitchen table and blows my cover entirely. "Macy! Niall is here!" She sounds as excited as ever, and I just want to take her and put her away in my room so that she can't get her hopes up just to be let down again. 

"I see that," I try and sound somewhat sweet, but it comes out sounding sarcastic and bitchy. I'm thankful Stella is too young to understand different voice intonations. However, the other two people present are not.

"Macy, why don't you come down and set the table." My mother calls from the kitchen as I enter. 

"Okay." I look at Niall briefly. He stands slightly in the doorway of the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe on the otherside. I can't read his expression, but by the way he is looking at me, I can't help but think that he's judging me and how I look. "How dare he," I think to myself. "How dare he judge my apperance when he looks the way he does." Still, I cross my arms self consciously over my chest and make no notice of his expression again. 

I grab the plates and silverware from the counter that my Mom has set out, making it a point to not look at Niall. As I pass my mother, she whispers, "don't be rude," into my ear, and I roll my eyes but smile as I continue to walk. 

She tells us all that dinner is ready, and all of us find a seat around the table. Niall sits across from me, Stella is on my left, and my Mom is on my right. I can't help thinking about how weird this is. 

I keep my expression somewhere between neutral and angry at the world. 

My plate is filled with spaghetti, garlic bread, and meatballs, and initially it all looks extremely appetizing. I make a point to focus on my food and eat rather than be a part of the conversation that is going to take place. 

"So Macy tells me you and Jace were," She corrects herself, "are, good friends, Niall." 

I keep my eyes on my plate but sneak a look at my Mom. She looks confident and ready for answers. I wish she would have listened when I told her that he won't give her any answers. She's just going to get hurt. 

"Yeah, I mean, he and I work together," Niall tells her and takes a bite of the garlic bread. 

"Oh you currently work together?" I can see the light behind my mother's eyes ignite, and again, I want to tell her not to get her hopes up. Stella is attempting to eat a meatball. 

"Well.. I haven't seen him really, but technically I guess he still works there." 

Just as easily as the light came, it fades from my mother's eyes. 

"Oh.. yes, of course." She recollects her composure. "And where is there?" I know she wants to ask him so badly where he might be, but I don't think that Stella knows Jace ran away, and I don't think Mom wants her to. 

"It's an in-home business," Niall vaguely remarks. His tone of voice suggests that he doesn't want to talk about this topic anymore, but I'm not willing to save him. 

"What do you guys do?" My mother pries. 

I hear Niall clear his throat and reply, "No offence, ma'am, but why is it that you know so little about your son?" 

Her fork drops onto her plate but she quickly picks it up, once again regaining her composure. I knew this would happen. I knew that he would have this effect on her. I knew he would push her buttons and make rude and inappropriate comments, and the worst part is, I warned her. I warned her and she didn't listen. 

"He's a very private young man," She tells him. "Much like you seem to be." 

Niall smiles at her in reply. I want to slap him. 

"Did you ever, you know, just hang out? Outside of work?" She asks and looks to me for reassurance. I quickly avert my eyes again.

"Sometimes. I mean, I guess you could say he's my best friend." Niall's answer sends a wave of shock and confusion through me. Jace had made it very clear when he first brought Niall around that they were not friends, and Niall has never said anything to me about them being 'best friends', and now all of a sudden I'm seeing these pictures on Facebook, and hearing him say that he's his best friend?

"Well how long have you known Jace?" She questions. I'm not sure anybody but Stella is eating their food at this point. 

"About three years," he states casually. 

"Oh? Why is it that we're just meeting now, then?" 

He looks her straight in the eye and says without faltering, "Like you said before, Jace is a pretty private guy." He shrugs his shoulders slightly and picks up his glass of water. 

"Mom," Stella's high voice breaks through the silence that has further ensued. "Where's Jace at? Is he coming?"

My mom looks up and I look over at Stella, then at my Mom, who is trying to figure out what to say. Before either of us gets a chance to respond, Niall is talking to her instead. 

"He's on a mini vacation!" He exclaims, and Stella's eyes light up, then fall quickly. 

"Why couldn't I go?" She pouts, putting her head down. 

"Because," he begins, and leans in closer to her for dramatic effect, "it's a top-secret, super important vacation, and he's got lots of work to do on it. He's very busy right now, but he'll be back once he's done, and," he leans closer to her again, "he told me that he has a surprise for you when he gets back." 

He smiles at her and her head snaps up, nearly hitting him in the face, with a beaming smile on her own face. "He did?" She cries, getting out of her chair because apparently sitting down is just too much for such excitement. 

"Something super special," Niall smiles again. "But you have to be good while he's gone. Can you do that?" 

"Yes!" She shrieks and takes off through the house, running and dancing out of excitement. 

"Stella!" My Mom calls, but Stella is too wired now to answer. "Stella, come sit down!" She tries again in vain. She sighs. "Well, I guess dinner is over. Macy, would you mind clearing the dishes? I need to run upstairs for a minute." 

I know she's going upstairs to collect herself, and possibly cry, and I don't have it in me to argue that I already set the table, and I shouldn't have to do dishes, too. 

"Sure, Mom." I say. The first words I've said all through dinner. She excuses herself from the table and places a hand on Niall's shoulder as she walks away.

"Thank you for that," She tells him. "Stella adores you." 

"She's not so bad herself," Niall smiles. My Mom slighty returns the smile and heads upstairs.

I thought that i was confused before he came over for dinner, but seeing him act one way to my Mom, then another to Stella, and now this way to my Mom, just confuses me even more. Who is he? 

I push my chair out from the table and begin to grab the dishes from the table, not willing to spend too much time alone with Niall. 

"So she speaks," he taunts me as I grab for his plate. I don't say anything. "Did I do something wrong?" He asks. 

"Yeah," I respond sharply, "you came to dinner." 

"You called and asked me to!" He defends as I begin to walk away. 

"Not out of my own volition," I mumble. "You were supposed to say no." 

"I didn't know reading minds was part of my appeal," he fires back.

I set the dishes down on the counter and try to remain as calm as possible. "What appeal? There is no appeal that I can figure out on my own. From what I can tell you are a rude, selfish, and inconsiderate human being who does not deserve my mother's, my sister's, my brother's, or my own time. Things were fine until you showed up here!" 

"Things were fine?" He's gotten out of his chair and is facing me now. "Open your eyes, Macy, things were not fine, and may not ever be fine again. I'm the only thing that's keeping things from falling apart entirely." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" I spit at him. 

"Jesus, Macy, you are the most ignorant and naive person I've ever met," his tone has lowered back to normal now but mine has not. His words only fuel a spark in me that I didn't know existed. 

"I'm the ignorant one? What about you? What about how you don't care about anybody but yourself, and no matter what I do, no matter what I say, you're always arguing, or you have something else to retaliate with, and -"

Before I can finish his mouth is over mine. I don't even know when he moved closer, or how I didn't notice that he had. His lips move against mine and my brain fills with what feels like water that I can't swim through. It feels like I'm drowning in something that is painfully pleasant. 

He moves his hands to the small of my back and pulls my body closer to him, my chest pressing against his as he pulls me closer but moves us back against the wall. He moves one hand into the back pocket of my jeans and the other is on my shoulder, resting lightly while he continues to kiss me.

I'm surprised and taken aback, and as much as my mind screams that I should push him off of me, I should smack him, my lips keeps moving with his and my body keeps involuntarily moving against his. I find my arms lacing around the back of his neck, pulling him impossibly closer as our mouths move together. He takes his hand out of the back of my jeans and puts both hands on my waist, kissing my neck and murmuring into my ear.

"These look so good on you," he murmurs as I gasp for air and he continues to move his hands around my jeans, still kissing my neck. "I watched you come down the stairs and I wanted to take you right there on the kitchen floor." 

His words ignite a different sort of spark in me, and I find myself gasping even more breathlessly against my will. I move my hands to his back and slide them slightly under his shirt, touching the bare skin of the bottom of his back. 

He groans into my ear and bites my earlobe, something that has never been done to me, but is strangely exhilarating. I never knew there were so many nerve endings in just my earlobe. I move my hands to his hair, trailing up his back, and lightly grasp to pull his face back up to mine, kissing him again with an urgency that is completely new to me. 

He kisses me back fiercely, his own hands find the hem of my shirt, sliding up and under, lingering on my back. I'm pushed against the wall and can't get any closer, but he doesn't seem to care. He keeps pushing his body against mine, and I can feel just how turned on he is.

My subconscious is telling me that this is a bad idea, but I can't seem to stop. 

Suddenly, he pulls his body away from me, a look of strange shock on his face, and for a second I wonder if my mother or Stella has come into the room. I forgot they were even here. But there is nobody else around, and Niall looks like he has just snapped back into himself from a deep daze. His lips are a deep pink and his eyes are midnight blue, his hair disheveled from the way my hands ran through it. I stare at him but before I can get a word out, he turns and makes a beeline for the front door, grabbing his jacket off of the barstool in the kitchen, and leaves me wondering what the hell happened to make me melt into him in the first place.


	21. Chapter 21

I stand against the wall for another few minutes, attempting to collect myself after Niall just made out with me - and I let him. How could I have let him do that to me? And more importantly, why wasn't I able to stop myself from kissing him back? It wasn't even like I was in my own body. My lips and my hands and my body were moving against every single thing my brain was saying, and I let them. 

I can feel the fire in my cheeks as I retrace the memory of the intimacy that happened only a few short minutes ago, the memories of it too strong to even feel the sting of Niall running away. I instinctively lift my fingers to touch my earlobe, trying to make sense of the feeling and pure lust that I felt as he grabbed me and gently nibbled on my ear and kissed my neck and mouth. I can still feel his hands on my waist, in my back pockets, and none of it makes any sense at all. 

This was not how tonight was supposed to go. I was supposed to stay quiet, stay angry, stay completely disconnected from him and the conversation, and somehow I ended up swapping spit with him and feeling a fire inside my body that I've never felt before, even with Derek. What am i supposed to make of that? 

"Macy?" My Mom's voice snaps me out of my thoughts for the time being as she comes down the stairs. I reflexively straighten and smooth out my shirt, wiping underneath my eyes for any smudged makeup that may have happened during my mini makeout session. I still feel the heat in my cheeks, but I choose to ignore it, thinking that if I pretend it's not there, maybe it will disappear entirely. "Where is Niall?" 

She glances around the kitchen and then looks at me again. Speak, I tell myself. It looks more suspicious if you just stand there, you idiot. 

"He left," I tell her, trying to keep any fear or confusion out of my voice. I think I do a pretty good job, but somehow, she always knows everything. "He said he had to go and finish some things." I try and sound more convincing in my half-lie. 

I can tell she's been crying, even though it's also obvious that she's desperately tried to cover it up. I can see the redness behind her eyes and the pink tint to her nose. I've become far too accustomed to her crying face. After Dad died, it's all I saw for months. 

Seeing her like this brings me back to that time all over again. My Mom tried to hold our family together. She tried to hold us together with what felt like paper and glue, but she tried. She really did. 

I think part of the reason that Jace is so distant, and has been since that day, is because he could feel the tension and the blame radiate from her every time he was near her. I could feel it, and it wasn't even directed at me. She swore every single day that she never blamed Jace, but the way she looked at him, the way she spoke to him.. it all told a different story. And so he never forgave himself, because I don't know that she ever really forgave him. 

I've tried to put myself in her position hundreds of times, wondering if my son had indirectly caused the car accident that killed my husband, if I would be able to forgive him. I have yet to come up with an answer, and it's something I hope I never truly have to figure out. All I know is I never blamed Jace for what happened. Not once. How do you blame a 12 year old boy for calling his father for help, only to have both of them end up in the hospital? I simply couldn't. I don't know that my Mom ever saw it that way, though. 

"Okay," she blandly states. "How did you think dinner went?" She looks at me expectantly, like there is an answer she's searching for, and she's looking to see if I will say it. I would, but I'm not sure what that answer is. 

"Do you want my honest opinion or the edited one?" I ask her. She looks at me thoughtfull for a minute. 

"Honest," She finally says. 

I take in a deep breath. "I think that.. I told you he wouldn't give you answers, and I think that I was right."

She doesn't say anything in response to that. I think I see her lip tremble slightly. "I had planned on asking him more questions when I came back down.." She tells me. "But it doesn't look like that is a possibility now." She sighs in defeat and sits down on the steps. 

"Why is he doing this?" She whispers, and I don't know if it's to me, or herself, or God, even. I'm not even entirely sure who she's referring to. Is she talking about Niall for not giving us answers? Or Jace, for running away? Or God, for giving us so much shit to handle? 

"Mom, it'll be okay," I try and comfort her by taking a seat next to her on the steps. She surprises me by sitting upright, and standing up automatically. 

"I think it's time I get to bed," she says robotically. "Would you please clean the kitchen and put Stella to bed?" I look at the clock. It's 8:07. 

I recognize this tone of voice. This is the tone of voice she used everyday for six months when I was 12. 

"Okay, Mom. I will," I tell her, just as I used to when I was 12. She turns and walks up the stairs, and I hear her door shut. I walk away from the steps because I know from experience that if I sit there too long, I'll be able to hear her cry, and I don't want that right now. 

Pushing all thoughts of Niall and my Mom and Derek from my mind, I go and track down Stella, who is in the basement, watching Brave on the TV. I sit next to her and she reflexively sits up, putting a pillow on my lap and laying down on it. 

Just as I'm almost sure she's asleep, she says something so quietly I almost don't hear her. 

"What do you think Jace is going to bring me?" She asks. My heart cracks like it's made of glass. 

"I think it's probably something that was especially made for you," I tell her, stroking her hair lightly. "LIke a princess gown, or a royal crown." 

"I hope it's a puppy," She tells me. "I really want a puppy."

"I'll see what I can do," I tell her, willing to do anything at all to make my baby sister happy. If I could, I would guard her from the entire world, and we would just sit in this basement until neither of us could walk any longer. I don't want the world to corrupt her. The thought alone is enough to break me into a million tiny pieces. 

I hear her soft snores after the movie ends, and slowly and quietly I carry her upstairs. I get a sense of deja vu from when I was 12 and she was barely 1. I quickly shake it away as her eyelids open briefly and she wiggles in my arms. "Shh, it's okay, Stel. We're going to bed." I coo at her, and she responds with a few more lazy blinks and a low groaning sound. I strip her out of her clothes and help her put on pajamas while she is still half asleep, and as soon as she hits the pillow, she's out. 

I head downstairs and find a bottle of vodka in the cupboard, taking the bottle up to my room, and locking the door behind me. 

***

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing violently from somewhere under my covers, and my half drunken daze makes it difficult to figure out where it's at. Even though I'm partially drunk, my heart leaps and my mind starts to buzz and become clearer, because the last time this happened, Jace was on the other line. The thought of it being Jace and talking to him is making my stomach twist and I'm getting more and more angry and frustrated as I try and find my phone.

"Fuck! Where the fuck is it?" I angrily whisper-yell at no one in particular. I can feel my chest tightening as the seconds pass and the phone rings longer and longer, knowing that soon it will go to voicemail, and I may have missed my chance to talk to Jace at all. 

Finally I decide to fling my covers in the air and watch for the light of my phone. I hear a thunk on the ground and fling myself over the mattress to retrieve it. 

I finally grab a hold of it, but the name isn't Jace's. My heart sinks in disappointment, but I answer the call anyway. 

"Hello?" I answer groggily and somewhat pissed off. 

"Hey, Mace," he pauses for a minute. "Were you asleep?"

"Yeah, kind of." I shortly remark. I've waited all day for him to call and he chooses to call at 1 in the morning? 

"Sorry.." He says. I wait for him to say something else, growing increasingly irritated that he hasn't already given me a full apology and begged for my forgiveness, saying what an ass he was and how selfish he was being. 

"Well is there a reason you called?" I ask him, my bitchiness purposeful this time. 

"Do you think we can talk?" He asks in a small voice. My heart squeezes itself in my chest. 

"Yeah," I tell him. 

"Will you meet me?" Derek asks, and I glance out my window.

"It's super cold out, Der. Can it wait until tomorrow?" 

"No, no, it can't. Let's.. can I come over?" He asks, and I'm growing nervous. We left things between us very vague, and part of me is thinking that he wants to talk so he can break up with me. The thought doesn't hurt like I thought it would. 

"It's 1 in the morning.." I tell him in vain.

"Macy, I really need to talk to you. In person. Please, let me come over. I'll come in through the back door. I'll be there in five." And with a click, the line is dead, and I roll over on my back, staring at the ceiling. 

After a minute I get up and glance in the mirror, fixing my make up and my hair. Apparently I fell asleep in my black jeans and black shirt outfit, so I don't need to change. Pulling my hair into a regular bun instead of a sock bun and wiping off the excess of dramatic smokey eye makeup, I put on a little waterproof mascara and some foundation, because I have a feeling I'm going to be crying tonight. I don't honestly know how these past few days could have gone worse, and now, I have my problem with Niall. Does it count as cheating on Derek? I'm not really sure if we were broken up or not. I guess if he breaks up with me tonight, it won't. 

I open my door and quietly head downstairs, sitting down at the kitchen table with my head down, waiting for Derek to come to the back door like he said he would. After a few minutes of waiting, I hear a knock on the door and I get up to open it for Derek. He steps into the house, his cheeks and nose pink from the cold, looking at me like he's seeing me for the first time. 

"Hey," he greets me quietly.

"Hey," I greet him back with the same tone of voice. 

He opens his arms and whispers "come here," and I move to be wrapped in his familiar embrace. I put my head on his chest as he wraps his arms around my back, pulling me close, much like Niall did earlier, but with less urgency. I take in the scent of him that I know so well: mint and his favorite cologne. 

"I'm so sorry for every single thing that I said before," he whispers into my ear, my chest tightening at the words. "I didn't mean any of it. I was tired, and hungover, and I was really angry that that kid was here.." He trails off. "But I'm over it, and I'm so sorry." 

Before I know what's happening and before I can respond, his lips are pressing against mine in a desperate attempt to reconcile and fix our broken relationship. Or, what I thought was a broken relationship. My lips move against his in sync, becoming so acquainted to the way they move and the feel of them. 

"Let's go upstairs," he murmurs into my ear, and I'm too dazed and confused to object. He takes my hand and leads me up the stairs, into my room, locking the door behind him. I look at him through green eyes that are trying to figure out what's going in my head, but he is moving too quickly for me to catch up. Just as I start to think of a thought to tell him, he's lifting up the bottom of my shirt and attempting to pull it over my head.

"What are you.." I begin to say, but let him take the shirt off of me. He puts his lips to mine again and silences my thoughts.

"I miss you so much," he says into my mouth. "Please let me do this. Let me have you again, let me feel you." 

His words are so full of a raw desperation that I can't tell him no, even despite the pulling in my stomach saying I need to stop. 

He unbuttons my jeans and looks at them thoughtfully in the dark, the moon light and the snow illuminating the room dimly. "I don't remember these jeans," He says as he pulls them down. 

"I haven't worn them in a while," I tell him. 

"They're too tight, I don't care for them," he tells me as he finishes taking them off with my help. He leads me to the bed and lays down, prompting me to get on top of him. I do as he wants, leaning my head down to kiss him as he puts his hands on my back, pulling me down and closer to him. I press my hips into his and he makes a low groaning sound from deep in his throat, moving his hands down over my legs. Instinctively, I move my hands down over his jeans and unbutton them, moving him out of his jeans and lifting his shirt off over his head. 

The movements seem so familiar, so instinctive, I hardly have to think as he removes my bra and panties and i remove his boxers, and we both fall into each other like we have so many times before, losing ourselves in each other. My mind continues to wander throughout, though, and I can't help but remember how it felt when Niall nibbled my earlobe. The wave of electricity and exhilaration that small gesture sent through me was incredible. 

I push the thought from my mind and try and focus on what Derek is doing to me, unable to focus long enough to reach the pure bliss I so desperately want. Derek has no problem, though, and before I know it he's standing up, pulling on his clothes, and handing me mine. 

I take them unwillingly as he smiles at me, and I try and smile back. He sits back down on the bed and plants a kiss on my lips, looking at me and stroking my cheek lightly.

"I love you," he mumbles into the dim darkness. 

"I love you, too," I tell him.

"We'll get through this," he tries to assure me, even though I'm not really sure what 'this' is that he's referring to. "Once you get to NYU, it'll be so much better. I promise." He plants another kiss on my lips. 

"I know," I smile at him. 

He doesn't know that I'm probably not going to NYU. He doesn't know that Jace ran away and my life has probably changed forever. And he definitely doesn't know that for some reason, I can't stop thinking about Niall and the way that he bit my earlobe and kissed me more feverishly than I've ever been kissed in my life.


End file.
